T'was the night before Christmas, when all through the house
I shut off my PCs, stopped moving the mouse
My character was logged for the evening with care
In hopes that tomorrow, EQ would be there

The children were nestled all snug in their beds
As visions of Norrath danced in their heads
And mamma in her 'kerchief and I in my cap
Had just settled down for a long lag-free nap

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter
With SOW to the window I flew like a flash
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Reminded me of Everfrost three days ago
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a Everquest programmer and 8 guides in nice gear!

They morphed so fast I could barely even tell
But "an Aradune" came running at me like a bat outta hell
The others followed quickly, right by his side
As if they had tied on a rope and hitched for a ride

"Now LAG, and PACKETLOSS, and LINKDEAD, and WARPING
On BAD PATHING, on SEE THROUGH WALLS, on ZONE BUGS, and NERFING!
To the top of the porch to the tops of the walls!
Leave no one left standing and block off the halls!"

As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly
The GM event started with Aradune's cry
Terror welled inside as he called out those names
For they meant certain death, and hours of pain

And then in a twinkling I heard on the roof
An ice comet crash through and half my inventory went "poof"
My skin ignited, Ma writhed in pain
and my children all woke from "the sound of the game"

Quickly we gathered and quickly we grouped
then buffed in a corner in a safe zone we knew
The children all readied their K00L DeWd SpellZ
Cuz everyone knew they were powergamers from hell

I readied my SOW and I readied my DOT
Ma readied her debuffs, drank a potion she bought
I happened to notice we were not ready yet
So in a brief moment I charmed our dog for a pet

Waiting and ready to slay the new foes
(and maybe get some nice wisdom boots to wear on my toes)
We charged outside not risking the hall
And noticed that Lag was the slowest of all

We laughed at the victim of his own design
And quickly dispatched him, he could not react in time
Packetloss was next and fell with ease
Hopping around and jerking then falling to his knees

Warping came at us, a mighty foe!
He would drop on top of us wherever we would go!
My thorns on the children helped with the blows
and their channeling helped them fell Warping in the snow

Bad Pathing came at us, but funny to say
Stood running in circles 10 feet away
Ma whipped out her burns and I sent in the dog
And Bad Pathing disappeared as in rolled the fog

INTO THE HOUSE! I cried as we all ran inside
But See Through Walls was ready and caught us from behind!
I snared him "Resist" even though he was green
He punched me for two, he wasn't too mean

I spun to meet him and laughed in his face,
Put away my paw and whipped out my mace
Ma made him whirl and mesmerized his butt
Then I finished him off with the family mutt

Zone Bugs was next but we could not find....
Probably crashed to desktop when crossing that line
We bravely waited for the last of them to show....
When push came to shove the most terrible foe

Nerfing came at us with some kind of spell
And I was told all my magic had now gone to hell!
My snare was resisted, mana cost doubled!
Now that my DOT's did half I knew I was in trouble!

Ma couldn't mesmerize and her pet had been weakened
her buffs didn't stack and our trouble now deepened
The children's armor from all of the planes
Had their stats changed to things just insane!

A wizard robe that adds 15 CHA
and Magician's cap that adds 15 STA?
Their Jboots were gone and mana stones too
Without these items, what were they to do?

I desperately tried to hit Nerf with my mace
He laughed and shot lightning right in my face
Ma got off a mes and I blinded him good
and the children started blasting as hard as they could

Ma had used tashania and I'll be willing to bet
That was one thing Nerf hadn't gotten to yet
He lost all control and then nerfed himself
slashing for 32,000 after running for help

We all gazed in awe as "an Aradune" stood there
staring at us with a bone chilling stare
"You've ruined my minions! You've tarnished these lands!
but EQ will be better from the work of your hands!"

With a flick of his hand the GMs appeared
No longer posing as the foes that for months we had feared
Gifts were given, as reward for helping
A fine steel short sword and some ridiculous elf thing

Spare shields from Hate Plane were all passed around
Since Erudite Paladins can never be found
And the only one who got anything nifty?
My level 3 daughter... A Butcherblock hammer that wont work 'till 50!

Aradune then donned spirit of Norrath and gave his team a whistle
And away he flew like a SOW'ed missile
But I heard him exclaim as he ran out of sight
"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!"

Written by Rynnia D'Arboreal and Aelianna D'Avenis
Assembly Of Knowledge
Tribunal Server