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#1 Apr 18 2006 at 12:05 AM Rating: Excellent
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http://everquest.allakhazam.com/forum.html?forum=28;mid=1083541086871701987;page=1

Karth wrote:
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Hmm...Kaolin can you tell me why the OOTers and the Asylum people hate each other?
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/cue ominous music blatently stolen from prophecy scene of LOTR...

In the beginning, there was the Forum. In the days of eld, it was the UBB forum, and the Everquest forum was the only game in town. Allakhazam looked upon the situation, and in a weighty tone of voice, spoke "No, no, No! This won't do at at all! Hmph!" and with a mouse gesture and a click or two, sprung forth the origional Out Of Topic forum from a nearby mouldering sweatsock. (also the Questions and book forums, which, aside from playing a minor role in the 2001 Zimbabwe coup attempt have no bearing on this story and shall therefore be ignored) And there was much rejoiceing and eating of penguins, who conveniantly happened to be in season.

Time passed. The days became yesterdays, the monthr became yestermonths, and even the years passed by, and the people of OOT were happy and prospered. Ages came and went, and slowly a hint of shadow crept into the forum. The world became slightly darker, and slowly, ever so slowly lessw people came to OOT. At first it was people who would not be missed. Low counters, Trolls, the occasional aardvaark, the denizins of OOT simply assumed they had gone the way of countless thousands before them, fading quietly into the night as their interest in everquest wained.

But then regulars started to dissappear too.

The remaining denizens banded together, determined to expunge whatever menace was threatening their very existance. Thus was the guild SOC born. But infighting and rivalries and other quite silly things like small intestines intervened, and slowly things fell apart. The forum was dying...

All seemed lost, when suddenly, Allakhazam returned from a seminar on "how to use mental energy to physically will a sports team to make it to the finals" (it was a very long seminar indeed) and saw the state of the forum. With a mighty "What the hell? I leave for one moment and the whole OOT forum falls appart?", he cast the remaining denizins into the Asylum, and brought in a new batch of OOT posters from the newly established republic of slovokoviaFFXIsky. The now known as Asylum posters were troubled, Sure, they had a spiffy new forum name, and the number of posters did seem to be up, but dang it, they had the name OOT first! so they set about lureing the poor hapless OOTers (what??? you are... Don't look at me like that.) further and further into the Asylum. And that is how things stand today.

Only through the magic of the One Bagel can imminent doom be averted. Bring me the magic bagel, or I shall quote the word DOOM in really big red letters. one with Rasins. And cream cheese.

Edited, Tue Apr 18 01:11:34 2006 by Kaolian

Edited, Apr 14th 2007 8:56pm by Kaolian
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#2 Apr 18 2006 at 12:09 AM Rating: Excellent
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Source: http://everquest.allakhazam.com/forum.html?forum=10;mid=108929874850671108#1089413528227495071

Posted: Fri, Jul 9th 3:52 PM 2004 PST| By: Dread Lord Kaolian
Professor of Meat Sciences


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It's a natural forum progression. A typical poster in a given allakhazam game forum has several stages of existance:

Stage 1. Newbie
At this point, most of the posts are "how do I?" or "I'm thinking of getting the game/have the game, what should I?". the older estableshed posters sometimes get annoyed at this, and tend to lash out. Usually this stage is over by 100 posts or so.

Stage 2. Newbie with brains.
At this point, the questions start getting a bit more meaningful. the poster starts understanding game mechanics enough toask questions, and see flaws with the game. Some poeople never progress beyond this stage. those posters generally disappear after about a year if they do not progress. Generally 100-500 posts

Stage 3. Occasional regular.
You are here, people know you, can pick you out from the background posts, and listen to what you have to say. At this point, the poster usually branches out into one of several seperate paths:

A. The diehard gamer -- You don't post as much, but you are still here, and when you do post, people take notice because you know the latest in game info. Forums are reserved for downtime between games and when you are looking something up on the site.

B. The disenchanted gamer -- Slowly, the game is loseing it's shine for you. you like to play games, but you don't ;like what the game has become. Slowly you start to post more and more, and play less. Your posts about the game are often somewhat bitter. because of your post count at this point, your oppinions influence the tone of the game forums more than some of the other subtypes. These usually die off at around 1200 posts, or they branch off into the asylum/oot areas. Sometimes they take a year off and then come back, temporarily refreshed. Sometimes they even turn into diehard gamers. If they sucessfully pas 1500 posts, they tend to stay around for a long time

C. the OOT/Asylum poster. Spend most of your time in the off topic forums. You still feel a kinship for your origional game forum, but you don't post there nearly as much. Oddly enough, your time in those forums makes you more able to interact with people in the game forums on a more personal level, so even if you don't play the game anymore, you can often more effectivly direct newbies to get help.

d. The missing. You leave. sometimes you post, usually you don't. 2 months from entering this stage, you are usually lost, never to be seen on the forum again.

Stage 4. Forum mainstay. 2000-5000 posts.

By this point, you aren't going anywhere for a while. you post evrywhere, interact with everyone.

Over time, everyone you started posting with will leave. You will constently be surrounded by new posters. It will be harder and harder to find a truly unique topic. By this time, forum differences and grudges have usually blunted their edges, so while there are some posters you may not like or disagree with, you rarely make an effort to get rid of them or discredit them. Why? because you know that if they leave, the forum will irrevocably change yet again, perhaps this time for the better, but usually for the worst. Change becomes both a blessing, and the enemy. At some point, you will make a choice, continue like that, or get bored and leave.


+5000 posts. Of the millions of people who fisit this board, you are one of less than 20 individuals on this board who have survived this long. It's a mind trip.


Enjoy this version of this forum while you can. Blink, and the forum will never be the same. Pretty soon you will wonder outloud "what ever happened to Dark illyana or Notcoach or any of them." and then it hits you.

sorry, i'm rambling.


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#3 Apr 18 2006 at 12:13 AM Rating: Excellent
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Kaolian wrote:
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To answer that question requires a brief history lesson. I'll try not to make it too painful...

In the beginning, Verant created the Everquest, and it was good. The citizens of Norrath (the main planet of everquest) were happy and gleeful with much glee, and they set about slaughtering the rats and bats and moss snakes and a_fire_beatle_01's and decaying skelitons and orcs and gnolls of the world. These were happy times in the land, and there was much feasting upon bat wing crunchies and milk (though nary a cow was to be found) and people were happy, except for when they were smote upon thusly by various large objects, including hill giants...

soon however, a note of discontent entered the world, as hardy and strong adventurers banded together into guilds and set out in search of the fabled "Phat Lewts", or items of such spiffyness they would make small children weap with envy.

A great battle was fought, one for the ages, of which scholors would speek of in hushed tones for eaeons to come. It was really cool, but that's not the point so we'll ignore it and skip to the end.

"... And Lo' wheneth the dut cleared, there was upon the slain corpse of an_uber_dragon_01 a super spiffy item, that could be worn by pretty much all races and classes in Everquest at the time."

The adventurers looked at the item, and drooled. they then looked at each other, and realized that though they wee many, there was only one item. Who would get the item of spiffyness?

A great debate followed. Things werethings said on all sides, things that would haunt the classes of norrath for decades to come, and create class divisions amongst some that have not healed to this day.

On of the most vocal of these were the monks.

Their combat and pulling abilities at the time were far better than most of the other melee classes, so they soon developed the logic that since they were clearly the best, anything that could help them in combat was a "m0nk Item". A monks combat proficciency depends on the amount of weight he is carrying, the less the better, so weight reducing items, items with high ac, etc, became highly sought after m.o. Several wars resulted, and after the slaughter was over, it was decreed far and wide that speaing of the dreaded m0nk items would be forbiddon!

That, or illia at some point just got tired of peopal whineing about it and added it to the filter...
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#4 Apr 18 2006 at 12:26 AM Rating: Excellent
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"Your first post at allakhazam":

http://everquest.allakhazam.com/forum.html?forum=4&mid=107326763598781310#107326763598781310

Edited, Tue Apr 18 20:55:42 2006 by Kaolian
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#5 Apr 18 2006 at 12:30 AM Rating: Excellent
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Older forum post, punctuation is all pretty screwed up.

http://everquest.allakhazam.com/forum.html?forum=4;mid=1073047376671017959;page=1#1073047376671017959

The Mortis road: A story of death and intrigue in the Vancouver heights
The sky was overcast. It was always overcast in this damnable city. Darkplague checked his formal gold watch in the fading evening light as he paced back and forth in the crisp Vancouver night air. 6:15pm on the button. Where was she? If it wasn?t for this, he would be back, warm and entertained at the 5th annual Vancouver orphans benefit ball, hosted every year by the powerful DeVille Bloom. Much more entertained. He pulled the small lilac colored hotel stationary paper scrap out of his back tuxedo pocket, where he had discovered it earlier during the dance. The note was short and simple:

Meet me by the old steam train in Esther-Short Park as soon as you get this

It was signed simply ?M?, but the hint of custom, and very expensive perfume left little doubt who it could be from. He should know. He had purchased the last bottle of the stuff at that nights charity auction less than 3 hours before.

Darkplague thought to himself. ?When I get my hands on that little minx, she?s going to pay for pulling me away from the ball!!!? He smiled at thoughts of how, back at their shared hotel room, such payment could be extracted. Maybe over a good bottle of mulled wine?

Such thoughts continued for a few moments more as Darkplague pulled out his cell phone to dial room service back at the hotel. It would be a nice surprise for her?

He heard a slight crunch coming from the trees to the left. He turned, startled, to see an apparently homeless man leading a goat around the park on a string. Darkplage shuddered. He glanced at the darkening sky. It was time to be gone from this place.

Suddenly, something caused the homeless man to look up, apparently in terror.

To look up at something behind Darkplague!

Darkplague turned, just in time to see a figure press something hard, black and lethal to his sternum. His mouth formed an ?o? of surprise, or perhaps recognition, as the first bullet tore through his left ventricle. 2 more followed before he fell to the evergreen needle studded ground. His assailant did not see cell phone in his hand spin off into a nearby clump of bushes, a 3 digit number punched in at the last moment by dying fingers.

The figure turned to the fleeing man with the goat. <pzip> <pzip>. The goat man fell, unmoving to the cold ground.

Satisfied, the mysterious figure turned and vanished into the night.

* * *

The Headline ran in the local paper the ?Columbian? the next day:
Foreign media tycoon heir found murdered in historic park
By: Nadenu

Australian Publishing company heir Darkplague was found shot in Esther-Short Park earlier this morning. Passing joggers discovered the multi-millionaire media tycoon scion early this morning. He was pronounced dead on the scene. A second, unidentified male was also discovered at the scene with bullet wounds to the temple and abdomen. He is currently in a coma at Portland?s memorial hospital just across the river. Doctors have not announced any details the patients current prognosis to the public at this time. An empty goat leash was discovered at the scene of the crime?


* * *
2 weeks later?

Kaolian sat in his small office, crowded with computer equipment and gadgets of all types. The etched sign on the door read ?Kaolian Drachensborn, P.I.?

Kao looked at it with a wry grin. If business didn?t start picking up soon, that sign might be the only thing left of his business. For some reason the holidays were always bad for business. People don?t like to air their dirty laundry aired during vacation for some reason.

?Bah. It?s been months since I?ve had a real case.? He said with a sigh. ?If I don?t get some action here soon, I?ll be reduced to installing nany cams for a living!?

At that moment, there was a knock at the door. I started to get up from my large mesh desk chair, but at that moment, the door opened. The hand on the door was long and lithe, with a French manicure, and was attached to a raven-haired bombshell in a black mourning dress. She was the kind of women men would kill for. Heck, considering she was in my office, they may very well have. She looked with some evident slight distaste at the faded chair opposite my own, then with a look of resignation that she tried to mask, she sat down.

I gave myself a moment to get an impression of who I was about to deal with, before introducing myself. Judging from her elegant dress and mannerisms so far, she was one of the rich power crowd. From time to time one of my cases would cross their path, but for the most part they and I ran in much different social circles. I was intrigued.

?So miss?? What can I do for you this morning?? I asked, leaving the question of her name open for her to supply.

?Taredoru? she replied with a soft foreign accent. English, maybe? ?Mr. Drachensborn, there?s been a murder. I require your services to help find the killer and bring them to justice?

I chuckled. ? I hate to break it to you miss, but that sounds like a job for the police.?

She scoffed angrily. ?Ach, your police think it was just a simple robbery and aren?t even investigating! They are of no use to me. Please allow me to explain.? She paused to raise the mourning veil on her large broad brimmed hat. ?Two weeks ago, my younger brother was fatally shot. You may have read about it? It made the front page.? I nodded. Australian then. She continued.? Someone lured him out there to that cold lonely park in the middle of the night, and then shot him. Robbery! The only thing missing was his cell phone! The ?thief? left his Rolex, wallet, and a rather expensive diamond tennis bracelet that my foolish brother must have been planning on giving to that air headed fianc頯f his. Doesn?t sound like a very good robber to me at all. Of course detective @WorkSlacking just thinks it is some drug robbery gone bad.? I filed the name away for later. I still have a few friends in the department, even now, so that could come in handy later.

? I take it you don?t share the good detective?s opinion. Do you have anything solid to back that up? Or is it just a feeling? More importantly, did anyone here want him dead?? I asked bluntly

She considered for a second. ?My brother was set to announce that he was assuming control of our father?s publishing company later this week. Only a few people knew that, but the announcement was expected to have an effect on stock prices. A lot of money was at stake. Several of my brother?s competitors are in the area at the request of the Bloom family. The Blooms have strong ties to Australia. Two of those in particular stand out to me:
Angry Hippo. He?s kind of a playboy type, big into the party circle. His family runs a rival satellite TV service out of Melbourne. Up until about a month ago, he and Darkplague used to hit the clubs together, but then they had a falling out. I don?t know what it was about, but it was messy. He is staying at the Homewood Suites in Vancouver, the same hotel my brother and his fianc頡re staying at? Were staying at.? She quickly corrected herself after only a momentary loss of composure. ? The other possibility is Angua. She?s never liked my brother. They went to the same school, and things did not go well. At one point my brother had to take out a restraining order against her. 2 weeks ago was the first time that either of them had been in the same building in years. I?m no detective, but If anyone was going to kill Darkplague, it would have been those two!?

I pondered this information for a moment. Clearly, I was going to have to talk to those two if I took the case. If, of course I was going to take the case! Who was I trying to kid? One thing had me troubled though. Why kill Darkplague in Vancouver? Foreign murderers almost always come badly in the American justice system. Seems that people around these parts really don?t take kindly to those who take care of their dirty little secrets in our country. I would need to think on that more.

?Tell me about Darkplague?s Fianc鿔 I asked.

Again, Taredoru scoffed. ?Atomicflea? Darkplague thought he was in love with her, but the little minx was just after daddy?s money. We all saw it, but he never did. Sure, she?s pretty enough, and she definitely had him wrapped around her little finger, but in the long run I think he would have figured her out, had he had the chance.?

So the Fianc頷asn?t well liked by the family. Interesting, but not a cause for murder. The very opposite in fact. ?So they weren?t married. That means she doesn?t stand to inherit anything right??

She nodded. ?Oh, I?m sure daddy will do alright by her, so she doesn?t embarrass the family, but her route to power isn?t there anymore. She had no reason to kill my brother if that?s what you are thinking. I can see that you are already thinking this through. That tells me the person who recommended you was right about you being thorough. I like that?

I nodded. ?and who recommended me, if you don?t mind me asking??

?I don?t mind a bit Mr. Drachensborn.? She finished with a smile. ?Now about your fee???

I named an outrageous figure, expecting her to counter. ?Done, Mr. Drachensborn. I?ll deposit a retainer check this afternoon to your account. Now will there be anything else??

I was momentarily taken aback. ?uhh, ummm, oh yeah. You mentioned your brother?s phone is missing. Did he keep a contact record, or anything else that might be of use??

Taredoru reached into her purse and pulled out a late model Compaq PDA. She handed it to me. ?Here, it?s password protected, but perhaps you can get something out of it.?

I thanked her, and we exchanged contact information so I could stay in touch with her to keep her informed. ?I?ll get started on this right away. I?ll be in contact when I have anything.?

?I?m sure you will Mr. Drachensborn? I?m sure you will.? And with that, she turned and swept out the door. I could have sworn the temperature in the office dropped a few degrees as the door shut. I shivered.

I turned my attention to the pda. A few quick tries of the old standard passwords didn?t produce any results. I unscrewed the back and removed the password chip. Fishing around in my desk, I pulled an identical chip attached to a ribbon cable and a device looking vaguely similar to a pocket calculator out, and placed the chip shaped end in the now vacant pda socket. I slipped the old chip in a socket in the back of the device, and turned it on. Instantly, semi-random characters began flashing on the screen of the calculator thingy. I set it aside, and turned on the now passwordless PDA. With a little luck I could retrieve the list of old passwords and an access log from the old chip. Who knows, could come in handy later on.

I started browsing the e-mail log.
Darkplague?s PDA was set up with one of the new exados mail applications. Basically Microsoft Outlook without most of the security holes. He had it set up with a main inbox, a folder descriptively marked ?stuff? and a folder labeled ?business - action.? There were 4 read, and 13 unread messages in the main inbox, 5 messages in the stuff folder, and 40 in the business folder. 5 of the unread messages were spam. 6 more were just family ?hey how?s the trip? type messages. I checked them over, but unless the guy was more paranoid than me, there were no secret messages hidden in any of those. 2 of the unread messages were of interest. The first was a reservation confirmation for the evening after the day of the murder at the Schnitzer Concert hall in Portland, OR (right across the river) to the 6:30 Oregon Metro. Symphony concert. Pretty normal for the jet set crowd, but the odd thing was that the reservation had been e-mailed from Darkplague?s now missing cell phone several hours after the murder supposedly took place. Interesting

The other message of interest was a bit of garbled text that was supposedly from an e-mail address that couldn?t actually exist. I stripped the header information from the file. Sure enough, it was a rerouted message bounced around several different servers, but supposedly originating right here in Vancouver. I sent that message over to the cryptography buffer of my main computer and set the cypherbot to work on it.

Of the previously read messages, Only one was of interest. In the ?stuff? folder, I discovered another short garbled message. This time with an address indicating it came from an Australian server. Interesting. Off to the ?bot it too went. The rest of the messages didn?t look to be relevant so I made a backup of them all to be looked at later on. While I was there, I also took a look at the calendar functions, phone lists and other pda functions. I noticed a journal file that was password protected. This too I transferred for later.

I pondered my next move. At least 2 people with motive. I definitely wanted to talk to them, but before I did that, I needed more information. I decided a trip to the scene of the crime, and the local PD might be in order before I visited any of the suspects. I grabbed my jacket and headed out the door.

* * *
A short while later, I arrived at the Vancouver Police headquarters. The imposing stone and brick building Down on Evergreen Blvd. Hadn?t changed much since the last time I had seen it. I fought down a mix of regret and nervousness, and walked towards the main entrance.

Inside, I recognized Katielynn at the front desk. I wasn?t sure what her reaction would be, but I didn?t have to wait long.

?Sir! Uh, er, I mean Kaolian!? she said with a wary smile. I relaxed.

?Hi there Katielynn. It?s been a long time.? I said.

She nodded. ?Aye, it has. Look, about what happened??

I stopped her. ?Look, it?s been along time, we?ve all moved on. I?m a PI now? I said with a wry grin.

She laughed. ?You? Heh, I guess it figures. So what brings Mr. Richard Tracy around this part of town today??

?I need a favor. The Darkplague case. I need to see the file.?

She wavered for a minute. ?Gee, I dunno? You know who?s running the case file.?

This time it was my turn to nod. ?Yeah, ?Detective? @workslacking. Not exactly my biggest fan if I recall correctly.?

?Gee, that?s an understatement??

Detective @workslacking, Or lieutenant as he was back then, had been instrumental in playing a part in the internal affairs investigation after the ? incident. To this day I don?t think he was the one that set me up to take the fall, just a ?by the book? type that latched onto the wrong cause. He helped the investigation find every clue, every trigger, just as ?they? wanted, and sent my career down a flaming path to destruction. Lucky for me I?m not the type to hold a grudge.

?Please Katielynn, this is important. I need this case..?

She sighed. ?All right. Meet me out by the copy room service entrance in 10 minutes.?

I thanked her, then made my way out to the lobby. When who should I run into but?

?Well if it isn?t Mr. Drachensborn, Detective to the stars! How?s the client babysitting buisiness going?? said @workslacking, a snide grin on his face.

?It?s a living? I shrugged.

?Better than the likes of you deserve.? He glared at me angrily ?So you think you can just waltz back in here, all is forgiven? I don?t think so?

I didn?t want to have this argument, especially with a uniformed police officer, but I decided to stick it out to give Katielynn time to grab the file.

?Look, they never proved any of that besides the dishonorable conduct charge, and even that was a wash. You know it, I know it, get over it. But you still helped those vultures take apart my life. Don?t you get it? You won. It?s over?

I turned and walked towards the door. I heard him call after me. ?You were a dirty cop, rotten to the core. You didn?t follow the rules. We all knew you would crack one day. It was just a matter of time.? He spat on the ground in my direction.

I turned. ?No, you didn?t know me at all. You saw what you wanted to see. What was convenient for your path to promotion, and you went for it without a second thought. A lot of good officers left the force because of you, and you don?t even see the rot you let inside. Fine detective you are. And with that I strode for the door.

I could see in the door reflection, he started towards me, rage in his eyes but a few of his friends stopped him. I made it outside.

I paused to take a deep breath of the crisp river air, then I made my way around back.

?What took you so long!? inquired Katielynn.

?I ran into an old friend. He wanted to play? I replied, looking off to the left in the distance.

?Oh? she said, with just a hint of sadness. ?Well, anyways, here?s a copy of the file. The original is back, he?ll never know. He didn?t even lock his file cabinet?

?Heh, figures. Those by the book types always cut corners when it suits them. Thanks?, and with that, I headed back to my car.

Inside, I examined the file. Crime scene photographs, evidence receipts, copies of all papers found in possession of the deceased, possessions of the assumedly homeless man. I looked it over briefly. No shell casings found at the scene, no prints. The ballistics report indicated the shots all came from the same gun, a colt 45, fired from around 2 and 30 feet away. Whoever fired the gun was at least a half decent shot. It was time to check up the scene of the crime.

I pulled into the main parking lot of Esther short part. The towering green spires of the interstate five bridge behind me as I headed in. The hour was just after 6:00pm, around the time when the shooting took place. As I walked, I passed the large restored steam engine that is the centerpiece of the park. Massive and blocky, it was still dwarfed by the 150 year old evergreen trees all around. The park floor was a mixture of grass and the ever present pine cone. Many, many cell phone sized shiny black pinecones.

I reached the scene of the shooting and pulled out the crime scene photo and aligned it to the area around me. Darkplague must have been about here. The homeless man was probably just about there. I placed a small scrap of paper in each spot on the floor, and then a third where I thought the shooter might have been standing, then stood back to survey the scene. After all this time, even if there had been a print, I wouldn?t be able to see it, but I at least had a good idea where to look for a shell casing.

I started looking around, when I heard a <bleat!> from behind. I turned. A Rhododendron bush was bleating at me? WTF? I went over to take a closer look. As I approached, a small grey shape took off like a cheetah . I could swear it looked like a goat. I didn?t pursue it though, because at that moment my eyes spotted a black shiny shape nestled in the branches of the Rhododendron bush. It was the missing cell phone. I picked it up.

It was not too badly off for 2 weeks out in the cold wet Vancouver air. Those Japanese make some durable toys! The top of the line Motorola flip phone?s battery was dead, it apparently had been open all this time. Why was it open? Had Darkplague been making a call at the time? Perhaps with a little technical know-how I could retrieve the last stored information from the flash memory.

I looked around the area some more, but didn?t find any other clues. As night fell, I drove back to my office/apartment. In the morning I resolved to go pay Angry Hippo and Angua a visit. Perhaps Atomicflea could also shed some light on the situation. I checked the computers. Neither encryption program was quite done. Stupid 256 bit encryption. And with that, I grumbled off to sleep, the scene from the lobby of the police station turning over in my mind as I drifted off. Perhaps tomorrow would be a better day.

The next day, I woke up early. After a bit of breakfast, and a few phone calls, I sat down to my workstation and brought up the OS. The encryption program and cypherbots had both finished their duties. The garbled text message from Darkplagues PDA was flashing ?done? in the queue, so I pulled it up. Here is what it said.

?Transfer complete. Awaiting purchase instructions on ATComm preferred stock. You currently control 41 percent, and have an option for 51 percent with voting rights. How shall we proceed?
Krull financial?

Hmmm. Interesting. I set the searchbot to covert mode and let it go to dig up whatever it could about ?Krull financial?. I turned my attention to the password chip for the PDA. The password decrypter had done it?s job well: Xrg1a1952b^ was the password listed. That could come in useful. I decided to have a go at the cell phone.

I retrieved the phone, still in it?s open state from my jacket and placed it on the workbench table. This was going to be a delicate operation, so I turned on the overhead scanner/light combo. Simply plopping in a new battery would erase whatever data might be in the buffer. Using a small Philips head screwdriver, I removed the plastic casing from the back of the phone, exposing the circuit board, power leads, and the ribbon cable up to the display. Using a microcutter, I gently snipped the power cable portion of the ribbon cable. I then spliced in a thin power lead from my desktop power supply, and adjusted the output to match factory specifications. The tiny LCD lit up. Next, I placed a power inductor pad over the flash ram chip. Slowly, I increased the power, stabilizing the memory buffer. With that done, I severed the power connections to the chip itself using a microsaw, then bridged the gap in the circuit with a bit of wire. That done, I turned my attention to the battery compartment. Despite the time the phone had spent exposed to the elements, t was in surprisingly good condition. The terminals needed a bit of work though. I removed the remains of the spent battery, then got out a mixture of Vinegar, Citric acid, and activated baking soda. After a bit of fizzing as the ingredients combined, I used a fine wire brush to coat the power terminals in the case. Minutes later, they were back to factory clean. I attached another set of power leads to the battery box, and brought the phone online.

The phone LCD instantly switched from blue to the desktop screen. On it, there was a partially dialed number:

286? The last numbers were missing
Well, it was a start. Not too much to go on though.
I pulled up the call log, and keybuffer time stamp. The last key pressed was within the timeframe for the coroner reported time of death. That gave me a pretty good idea of when exactly the murder took place. Could be very useful in proving or disproving an alibi.

I flipped again through the copy of the police file. Nothing else stood out immediately. I?d take the time to read it more in depth later that afternoon, just in case.

With that all said and done, I headed out the door towards my first appointment.

Mr. Angry hippo?s personal assistant had seemed to be a bit hesitant to allow me access when I first called, until I mentioned that I was representing Taredoru. After that Mr. Hippo was more than happy to see me any time I wanted to stop by. I grabbed my coat.

I made my way over to the Homewood Suites hotel. The impressive granite brick fa硤e, surrounded by tall evergreen trees gave it the look of an ancient medieval hunting lodge. Only the parking lot filled with expensive imported automobiles gave lie to the illusion. It had been built back in the early 1900?s as rich miners coming back from the Alaskan gold rush made their way back east.

I pushed open a large brass bound door and walked into the richly wood paneled lobby. A large stone fireplace cheerily lit the middle of the lobby. Off to the east, breakfast was being served to a few patrons. I wandered over to the main desk and signed in while the desk clerk rang the room. Shortly thereafter Mr. Hippo?s personal assistant, alwayslost came down and led me to the room. Inside, I found Angry hippo sitting on a large leather couch, wearing a Hugh Hefner standard issue smoking jacket. An attractive woman on each arm. He looked up, then turned to his companions. ?Fifi, Betty, take a walk. Hippo has business to attend to?. They both pouted, then giggled and walked out the front door. I saw alwayslost give them a disapproving glance before he too withdrew.

?so, Mr. Drachensborn. My assistant mentioned you had some business with me this morning. Sit, please, sit. Would you like some Brandy? It?s a particularly good vintage?? I shook my head no politely.

?Mr. Hippo, as you know, recently your associate Darkplague was murdered down at Esther Short Park. I?m investigating at the request of his sister.

He nodded. ?Yes, tragic that. I am of course happy to help out in any way I can. Tell me, how is Taredoru taking it?? he asked, perhaps a tad too earnestly.

?Uh, erm, she?s in mourning.? I replied a bit awkwardly.

?Ah, I see. It is to be expected. Still, let her know she has my sympathy, won?t you? Now tell me, what can I do for you?? he asked.

?I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions.? I queried.

?Certainly, although I don?t see what good the answers will do you.? He answered, a bit warily.

I nodded. ?It?s routine to question the associates of a murder victim. Haven?t the police taken a statement already??

He shook his head. ?No, they called to let me know it had happened, but they said it was a drug crime. Terrible tragedy.?

I cursed @workslacking silently. A rookie cop wouldn?t have made that mistake, especially not a ?by the book? type. Something strange was going on here.

?Aye, that it was. Now tell me, on the night of the murder, at 6:15pm, where were you??

He frowned. ?I?m not sure I like your insinuation Mr. Drachensborn?

I shrugged. ?It IS a standard question.?

He sighed with disdain. ?Oh, very well. If you must know, I was at the charity auction ball still with Fifi. At least 50 people probably saw me there. Feel free to check.? Now is there anything else? I am a very busy man??

?Well actually, there is one other question. A few weeks ago eyewitnesses reported that you and the victim had a major argument, then a falling out, Can you shed some light on this?? I asked, trying my best to not further antagonize him.

It didn?t work. Angry hippo was visibly? erm, well angry now. His face scarlet as he threw up his hands and began to pace. ?Why does this always come up?! It wasn?t that big of a deal! Look, it was about something that happened way back when we were in college back in Canberra. Darkplague found out some information about something that happened once at a frat party, he took it wrong, and he was **** Sure, we had it out about it, and we weren?t on speaking terms, but it wasn?t something that anyone would kill over.?

I nodded. ?So this argument was just about college??

He sighed with impatience, clearly still angry. ?If you must know, it was over a girl. But that?s all I am saying without a lawyer present. Mr. Drachensborn, you hare trying my patience. I really think you should leave. Now.? And with that, he stomped off into the back room. I sensed that perhaps I had overstayed my welcome, and made my way to the door. As I exited into the lobby, I passed the bimbo twins and alwayslost heading back to the room. As I passed alwayslost, he handed me a scrap of paper without ever looking in my direction. I walked outside the lobby and into the foyer. There I read the note:

360-555-2534

Mr. Drachensborn, I have information you need, but my employer would be most irritated if I were to give it to you. Call this number after 7:30pm. I am doing this only to protect my position.
A

I put the note in my pocket. This was certainly an interesting development. Overall my detective senses were not registering Mr. Hippo as a major suspect despite his abrupt manner with me, but now I was intrigued. I promised myself that I would make the call when the time came.

I had a little spare time before my next encounter, so I decided to run a quick errand. A short drive later, I pulled into the parking lot of a small, seemingly run down shop down on Main street. An aged sign out front proclaimed the building ?Mren?s Antiquities?. I walked inside.

The interior was in surprisingly good repair given the outside conditions. Soft hanging lights and artfully placed spotlights lit the various treasures spaced around the shop. Antique swords, paintings, period furniture pieces surrounded the front of the room, while a large grand piano dominated the center of the room. Off to one side, a large bearded lizard surveyed his domain with grim approval. At the back of the room, Mren sat behind the counter. I nodded to him as I made my way to the register.

?Hey Mren, how?s the junk collection business going today?? I said. I often teased him about his odd hobby, which he had started back in the force. He had been caught up in the same mess that saw the end of my career, so we had a common, if uneasy bond.

?It?s not junk! And put that down! You?ll break it! You still owe me for the last one!?

oh. Er. Oops. I had forgotten about that. I quickly put the expensive looking bauble down. ?he he, sorry about that. I?ll tell you what though, I?ll make it up to you. I happen to know someone who is in the market for a piano for their lobby. I?ll send them on over? thinking of one of my other clients, who had damaged their other piano a few weeks earlier after receiving some particularly unpleasant news. Besides, Mren had been trying to sell the thing for years. I didn?t even know how he was going to get it through the doors. ?Hey Mren, you still have that back room wired??

The back room of Mren?s shop was legendary. Back before Mren bought it, it had been a communications hub for old Pacific bell network. A new hub was built later on, but the previous owner had been some sort of mad wiring genius, and had managed to reactivate the old node without tripping any of the line fail safes. To this day we still don?t know how he managed it. Mren had brought the old timer in for privacy code violations a time or two, but in the end, He decided that the old shop was just what he needed to clear his name, and hopefully someday, mine. Hey, if you can?t beat them?

Mren nodded. ?Yeah, How long are you going to need? I?ve got a trace running right now???

I shrugged. ?Probably only a few minutes. I?m not in a hurry though.?

He thought for a sec. ?Ok, come back later this evening. I should be done by then. Bring some Chinese food!?
I took my leave and promised I?d bring some decent Chinese food.

A short while later I arrived at the Inn at the Quay down at the Columbia River waterfront. I parked my car, then headed in for my appointment with Angua.

...To be continued because the second half has a slight problem since I already used one of the characters I thought I was going to use here?
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#6 Apr 18 2006 at 12:34 AM Rating: Excellent
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THe Shiny Shiny Caricature thread

http://everquest.allakhazam.com/forum.html?forum=4&mid=107418833213739751#107425429266046281

Edited, Tue Apr 18 20:51:24 2006 by Kaolian
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#7 Apr 18 2006 at 12:43 AM Rating: Excellent
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One of my story threads.

http://everquest.allakhazam.com/forum.html?forum=1&mid=1079989114513059725#108007403336003123

Edited, Tue Apr 18 20:52:00 2006 by Kaolian
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The Psychich ranger thread

http://everquest.allakhazam.com/forum.html?forum=4&mid=1082502290658767994

Edited, Tue Apr 18 20:52:47 2006 by Kaolian
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Happy happy adminy day for me http://everquest.allakhazam.com/forum.html?forum=4&mid=1083096517941706768#1083098146121659138

Edited, Tue Apr 18 20:49:56 2006 by Kaolian
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#10 Apr 18 2006 at 12:56 AM Rating: Excellent
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Source:
http://everquest.allakhazam.com/forum.html?forum=3&mid=1096324121611375993#1096326400142534558

Well, it's like this. Once upon a time, there were between 7 and 10 servers, named Bob, Larry, Moe, Curley, Bob II, Bob III, Bob IV, Cluster7, Lucy, The server which shall NOT be named, etc. They were happy servers who lived in a commune with much glee. In the beginning, each server had a time, and that time was THE time, and all shared THE time, and it was good and there was much rejoiceing

Then, one day the hoards of FFXI people came unto the site en-masse, and bogged down the servers in various amounts being adequatly described as bunches of peoples, and the servers were tired and weary. they slowly lost time sync, so that a BobII and Bob III had THE time, but THE time was no longer the same THE time.

now when the users came and posted with much gnashing of teath, they would recieve the timestamp of doom from bobII, let's say 2:07pm. The user then thinks of another really spiffy idea and goes to post again. in between posting and viewing, BobII got loaded up, so the server collective mind thingy (they are the bork. Resistance is feudal) decides to shunt our hapless poster to BobIII.

BobIII is 30 seconds ahead of BobII. so BobIII sees the timestamp of doom, and goes hmmm, wait a minute, this is actually 30 seconds, plus however many seconds under the filter the time was and goes "Thou art postething too fast darn it, 30+whatever seconds remaining"

Seeing as there are multiples of servers, on a bad day you can get quite a few of them out of sync, so depending on what server you hit you can get upwards of 50 seconds of seperation or more. there is a piece of code in place to prevent that, but it doesn't always seem to work. I personally think we need to build $3.7 cesium atomic clocks into each one, but for some reason that idea didn't fly well when i brought it up...
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Darkflame's collected classic lines:
http://wow.allakhazam.com/journal2.html?user=121773;mid=1087941041132992566;num=46;page=1
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#13 Apr 18 2006 at 7:55 PM Rating: Excellent
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Jophiel's 20K post
http://everquest.allakhazam.com/forum.html?forum=4;mid=1133877567265753846
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#15 Apr 04 2008 at 10:34 PM Rating: Excellent
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From UBB: The infamous sig test thread.

Author Topic: sig test. don't read. don't reply. let it die.


Further
Newbie
Posts: 32
Registered: Oct 2001
posted November 05, 2001 02:04 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
test
------------------
Further the Druid
Lv 9
Tholuxe-Paelis
Will never be Uber.
War Eagle.

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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1347
Registered: Jun 2000
posted November 05, 2001 03:26 PM
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Ha! I reply to it, but i didn't read it. This post shall never die, but will stand as a monument to the folly of attacking Russia in winter!!!!
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Deaphret

Elder
Posts: 240
Registered: Jul 2001
posted November 05, 2001 08:49 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Kaolian:
Ha! I reply to it, but i didn't read it. This post shall never die, but will stand as a monument to the folly of attacking Russia in winter!!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

But I have a plan, a very good plan.
:em freeze
Nope, still the same stupid plan.

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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1347
Registered: Jun 2000
posted November 06, 2001 02:30 PM
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you have become better at freezing to death! (1)

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Lonestar

Grand Master
Posts: 1399
Registered: May 2000
posted November 06, 2001 02:38 PM
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A plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a fox.

------------------
Scottie McBee, 11th lvl Paladin
Mike, 7th lvl Wizard.

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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1347
Registered: Jun 2000
posted November 06, 2001 08:13 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You resist the flickering flame spell!
!@#$%^ resist gear! now I'll never get warm.
You have become better at freezing to death (2)
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Deaphret

Elder
Posts: 240
Registered: Jul 2001
posted November 06, 2001 10:48 PM
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Hey Shammy, Endure Cold, plz.
What do you mean "what is plz"?

:em freezes some more


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Totem

Master
Posts: 896
Registered: Feb 2001
posted November 06, 2001 11:05 PM
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Bwahahahaha!
The moment you said, "let it die" you guaranteed it will live on in perpetuity.
Sheer brilliance in its' simplicity!
Totem
"Remember Manhattan!"

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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1347
Registered: Jun 2000
posted November 07, 2001 10:49 AM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hmmm. maybe I can forage something to eat to keep me warm.
...
You fail to find any food nearby
...
You fail to find any food nearby
...
You have found a frozen solid chunk of fishing grubs.
...
The fishing grubs have resisted your flickering flame spell.
Doh!

You have become better at freezing to death (3)

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Deaphret

Elder
Posts: 240
Registered: Jul 2001
posted November 07, 2001 11:33 PM
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How much FURTHER do we have to go. This shade of blue does not go with this outfit. I cant feel my toes and my nose has already fallen off. With out my nose, how can I smell.
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Further
Newbie
Posts: 32
Registered: Oct 2001
posted November 08, 2001 11:04 AM
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dum de doo...
I watched Goodfellas again last night. Godfather a few nights ago.

I love mob movies.


------------------
Further the Druid
Lv 9
Tholuxe-Paelis
Will never be Uber.
War Eagle.

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Bloodsoe

Veteran
Posts: 127
Registered: Apr 2001
posted November 09, 2001 12:57 PM
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Oh great! I went to breathe deeply through my nose and now it is stuck together
/casting Resist Cold.
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Deaphret

Elder
Posts: 240
Registered: Jul 2001
posted November 09, 2001 03:33 PM
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/SHOUT looking for a port to Hell, will donate.
If a snowball can't survive there, maybe I will finally warm up.

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Dark_Illyanna

Grand Master
Posts: 1310
Registered: May 2000
posted November 09, 2001 07:33 PM
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Thuy tolth muh noth to lithk muh sworth, buth I duhd ut annuwayth. Can ann-un hep muh pleathe?



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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1347
Registered: Jun 2000
posted November 09, 2001 10:13 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kaolian says: Oh look, a warmly heated house, out in the middle of nowhere. I think I'll see if they will let me inside.
An_angry_psycopathic_russian_hermit_01 says: Time to die Kaolian!

A frost spell hits You for 34000 damage.
Loading, Please Wait.
You have entered russia in deep winter.
Doh!
you have become better at freezing to death (04)

An_angry_psycopathic_russian_hermit_01 says: Kaolian!...

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Deaphret

Elder
Posts: 240
Registered: Jul 2001
posted November 10, 2001 12:48 AM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Dark_Illyanna:
Thuy tolth muh noth to lithk muh sworth, buth I duhd ut annuwayth. Can ann-un hep muh pleathe?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You must use your Brewing skill to make Vodka to increase faction with the angry_psycopathic_Russian_hermit. It only takes one to get amiably, be careful if you give him too much he becomes alittle too friendly, if you know what I mean. The faction is temporary so as soon as you are able to remove your sword, run because when the alcohol wears off, he despawns and a new MOB appears, angry_psycopathic_hungover_Russian_hermit and every one is KOS to him.

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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1347
Registered: Jun 2000
posted November 14, 2001 12:05 AM
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Napoleonic commanders' log, day 12:
Supplies, gone. Food, gone. Heat, gone. And that little **** of an emperor ran off with my coat. I shall now burn this journal to provide some form of heat.

You have become better at freezing to death (05)

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Deaphret

Elder
Posts: 240
Registered: Jul 2001
posted November 14, 2001 03:20 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Kaolian:
Napoleonic commanders' log, day 12:
Supplies, gone. Food, gone. Heat, gone. And that little **** of an emperor ran off with my coat. I shall now burn this journal to provide some form of heat.

You have become better at freezing to death (05)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Brown Bear in a flat hat says: You have burned you home you shall not burn mine.
Kaolian has been drenched for 300 damage
Kaolian has been stirred for 300 damage
Kaolian has just been shovelled for 300 damage
Kaolian has been covered over for 300 damage
A Brown Bear in a flat hat says: Only I can prevent forest fires.
A Brown Bear despawns


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blurrd

Elder
Posts: 387
Registered: Jun 2001
posted November 14, 2001 04:30 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Deaphret:
How much FURTHER do we have to go. This shade of blue does not go with this outfit. I cant feel my toes and my nose has already fallen off. With out my nose, how can I smell.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just dont shower for a long time

------------------
Is it fat in here or am I hot?

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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1347
Registered: Jun 2000
posted November 14, 2001 05:08 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
you have become better at freezing to death (06)
Loading, please wait.

You have entered russia still in deep winter.

Napolionic comanders' log, day 13.

I was unsuccessful in my attempt to use this log as a heat source. The russians apperently have some sort of new, brown, furry, hat wearing secret weapon. We have no effective defense against it. I found my corpse, but all my gear is frozen to it and won't come off. I have placed a bottle of vodka on the corpse in the hopes that the An_angry_psycopathic_russian_hermit_01 will find it, get drunk, and mistake the corpse for a drinking partner. If all goes well, the corpse should thaw enough for me to get my socks back. Hold on, something's happening...

A napoleonic 2nd leutenant with a map shouts "hungover Russian Army to zone"

A_napoleonic_2nd_leutenant_with_a_map yells for help from behind you.

oh, $@%&!!!!

Loading, please wait.

you have entered russia in winter yet again.
A_Russian_tank_Commander_With_a_headache says "Kaolian!"

you have become better at freezing to death (07

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Deaphret

Elder
Posts: 240
Registered: Jul 2001
posted November 15, 2001 12:24 AM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by blurrd:
Just dont shower for a long time


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you for using the straight line.

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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1347
Registered: Jun 2000
posted November 16, 2001 11:04 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Napolionic comanders' log, day 14.
The ammo is so frozen it will no longer fire. That's it, I'm defecting.

You have become better at freezing to death (08)

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Sir Avel

Elder
Posts: 342
Registered: Sep 2001
posted November 23, 2001 03:16 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
::sudden flash of white light::
A time machine appears. It's occupant, dressed in a strange military uniform, gets out and hands a letter to Napoleon, then promptly leaves again with the time machine.

Napoleon reads:

Dear Napoleon:

Don't do it.

Sincerely yours,

Hitler

p.s. French dudes suck at the war thing.

------------------
Sir Avel Stillwater
Deepwater Knight
Valiant Souls
Vazaelle

Morres of Tir na Lan
Master Eldritch and General of the Jade Legion
Defending the Realm of Hibernia against all invaders
Guinevere Server
"Midgard shall burn for the death of my people."

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Deaphret

Elder
Posts: 240
Registered: Jul 2001
posted November 23, 2001 06:41 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"But I have a plan."
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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1347
Registered: Jun 2000
posted November 29, 2001 06:45 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
german legion commanders log, day one.
Es geht mir zu feeking kalt!!!
Es geht mir zu feeking kalt!!!
Es geht mir zu feeking kalt!!!
Es geht mir zu feeking kalt!!!
Es geht mir zu feeking kalt!!!
you have become better at freezing to death (09)
Es geht mir zu feeking kalt!!!
Es geht mir zu feeking kalt!!!
Es geht mir zu feeking kalt!!!
Es geht mir zu feeking kalt!!!
Es geht mir zu feeking kalt!!!
you have become better at freezing to death (10)


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Harlequin

Master
Posts: 567
Registered: May 2001
posted November 29, 2001 06:55 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
eek I broke my own sig test.
[This message has been edited by Harlequin (edited November 29, 2001).]

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Harlequin

Master
Posts: 567
Registered: May 2001
posted November 29, 2001 06:59 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One more try!
------------------
Steppyn Razor <Hand of Destiny>
54'th Rake on Bristlebane
"Ahh, arrogance and stupidity all in the same package, how efficient of you" - Londo Mollari
Step's not so uber loot

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Deaphret

Elder
Posts: 240
Registered: Jul 2001
posted November 29, 2001 10:34 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You have entered a place of sight and sound.
There is a sign post up ahead.
You have just entered.....
STALINGRAD

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Fizbit

Elder
Posts: 288
Registered: Oct 2001
posted November 30, 2001 09:58 AM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Test
------------------
Conjo Dracon
Warrior taking blows to the head for 49 Seasons
Guardians of the Sacred Altar
Officer of the Warriors

"`If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.'"
-- Zaphod.

"If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.'"
-- Zaphod.

�Who **** in your Cornflakes this morning? And why did you eat the entire bowl!? -- Fizbit

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Fiddo

Elder
Posts: 305
Registered: Apr 2001
posted December 04, 2001 01:31 AM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This thread died yet?
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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1347
Registered: Jun 2000
posted December 04, 2001 02:37 AM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
nope, just sleeping....
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Deaphret

Elder
Posts: 240
Registered: Jul 2001
posted December 04, 2001 10:10 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You have become better at rezing threads (01)
------------------
'Ware the Wombats

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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1347
Registered: Jun 2000
posted December 04, 2001 10:46 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
german legion commanders log, day two.
All of our supplies have been delivered, except for the warm winter uniforms. Oh well, it's a nice sunny day outside, and not too cold. The only strange thing is that all of the forest creatures have grown huge fur coats almost overnight. It's probably just coincidence though...

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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1347
Registered: Jun 2000
posted December 27, 2001 11:53 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ha! you thought I forgot! It will be a cold day in **** before this thread dies!!!
You have become better at freezing to death (10)
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Lone ranger

Grand Master
Posts: 1027
Registered: Oct 2000
posted December 28, 2001 06:03 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
man... its cold in here... oh look! lemon flavored snow!!!
------------------
"winning a flame war is like winning the special olympics. yeah, you won, but your still retarded"
f33|2 7|-|3 |24/\/G3|2!!!1!1!
www.kungfuchess.com
http://web.archive.org/web/20050312120853/http://www.guildvision.org/movies/wipeout.wmv

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Deaphret

Elder
Posts: 240
Registered: Jul 2001
posted December 31, 2001 09:15 PM
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quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Kaolian:
Ha! you thought I forgot! It will be a cold day in **** before this thread dies!!!
You have become better at freezing to death (10)
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You have become better at rezing threads (02)

------------------
'Ware the Wombats

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Darkuwa

Elder
Posts: 339
Registered: Mar 2001
posted January 04, 2002 05:18 PM
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*looks at kaolins 13 castrated and frozen corpses*
hmm *casts an aoe fire spell to thaw them all out then steals all the equip off them*
woohoo SOCKS!!
*turns around just as hes about to drink the vodka*
AAAAAAAH!!!
Crazed_russian soldier his you for 450 points of damage
you died
LOADING PLEASE WAIT...
------------------
Iulerien lvl 18 Wood Elf Druid
^Bertoluxxus Server^

my stuff sucks give me a tell if your selling anything for druids on that server

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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1347
Registered: Jun 2000
posted January 11, 2002 08:33 PM
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German commanders log, day: who the **** cares.
I am cold.
My **** is frozen to the seat of this tank.
Some idiot in the second battalion started a water baloon fight. they're still finding bodies.
Tried surrendering and defecting, but the russians can't see the white flag against all the snow.
I have ordered our own artilliary positions to shell us with incindiary shells, so far it hasn't helped the cold much.
The only good thing to happen in days was when the Waffen SS troops tried to salute their superior officer and their arms all snapped off.
Now to see about getting out of this tank...

(Scuffel in the distance, sounds of shouting) A second leutenant shouts: Um, russian army to zone!
A Seargent shouts: Which zone?
A second leutenant shouts: All of them!!!!

...
Oh !@#$%^. not again!
thousands of Psycopathic hungover russian hermits shout: Time to die Germans!

LOADING, Please wait...
You have entered Siberia in deep winter yet again. Don't you feel like an idiot for not binding in Tahiti when you had the chance?

You have become much better at freezing to death. (101)

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Lone ranger

Grand Master
Posts: 1027
Registered: Oct 2000
posted January 11, 2002 08:39 PM
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hehehehee... that was funny
------------------
"I am quite certain
that you guys all suck, indeed
Thank you, tacosid"
f33|2 7|-|3 |24/\/G3|2!!!1!1!
www.kungfuchess.com
http://web.archive.org/web/20050312120853/http://www.guildvision.org/movies/wipeout.wmv

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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1347
Registered: Jun 2000
posted January 24, 2002 05:42 PM
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Napolianic era Russian Commanders log, Day one.
Today is a Glorious day for Mother Russia! We have won a great victory! The sissy french army and their bed wetting twit of an emperor thought they could outsmart the Russian Bear by leaving their most precious asset at the back of their baggage train, guarded by a single soldier. It takes more than simple trickery to fool us. My valiant comrades and I captured that supply cart, and what wonders we found inside. 4 whole tons of Vodka grade potatoes! I immediatly dispatched 2 battalions of our finest troops to see it safely to the most heavily fortified building in mother russia, the distillery. By this time next tuesday, we should have enough Vodka for everyone to get really really drunk!
Comerade General Bolinsky's brigade has apperently wiped out another French Legion, although none of them remember the battle. In addition to some cheap frenchy-frilly weapons, Comerade Bolinsky's troops captured a few hundred casks of this "wine" the french ninny's so enjoy. It tastes of rotten Backlevah. We added vodka to it and that helped some, but I think the best use of it will be to give it back to the French and let them drink themselves to death.

A strange thing happened today. A big Brown furry American with a Shovel has apperently joined our side. This american doesn't say much, but he can walk around in the snow wearing only a Big floppy brown hat and a pair of pants. He can fight, too. Serge got him drunk on vodka, then started talking about how lousy the french are at fighting. As soon as Serge started talking about the french rate of fire, the big hairy american ran off and wiped out 7 Batillions of french troops! If all americans are like this, I hope we never manage to annoy them!

You have become better at Drinking (203)
You have become better at Drinking (204)
You have become better at Drinking (205)

You have become better at freezing invaders of the motherland to death (01)

Author Topic: sig test. don't read. don't reply. let it die.
Fizbit

Elder
Posts: 288
Registered: Oct 2001
posted January 25, 2002 04:19 PM
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1
[This message has been edited by Fizbit (edited January 25, 2002).]

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Lone ranger

Grand Master
Posts: 1027
Registered: Oct 2000
posted January 25, 2002 08:42 PM
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quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Fizbit:
1


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2! ah ah ah


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kimberfly9

Veteran
Posts: 98
Registered: Dec 2001
posted January 25, 2002 10:08 PM
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Heheh! I just woke up from a particularly nasty nightmare, came out to read the board, and now you guys have got me laughing. ;-) Love your "story" Kaolian! Keep it going!

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Tacosid

Grand Master
Posts: 1698
Registered: Nov 2001
posted January 28, 2002 10:03 AM
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The lack of intelligence on this board is astounding at times.
You found this funny?

Personally I find Kaolian (and this thread in particular) to be comedy killer. It is anti-funny. This is the Bob Sagat of funny.

Poor. ****

Tacosid

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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1302
Registered: Jun 2000
posted January 28, 2002 12:38 PM
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Hmmm... You must be french...
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Lone ranger

Grand Master
Posts: 1027
Registered: Oct 2000
posted January 28, 2002 10:57 PM
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hehehehe
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Tacosid

Grand Master
Posts: 1698
Registered: Nov 2001
posted January 28, 2002 11:43 PM
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quote:
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Originally posted by Lone ranger:
hehehehe
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Lone Ranger, Do I have to start in on you too?

It can get ugly fast. Stop urging on the morons.

Tacosid


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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1302
Registered: Jun 2000
posted January 29, 2002 09:58 PM
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Napolianic era Russian Commanders log, Day Two.
Today, I stood in the presence of genius. A supply sergeant from C company has developed the ultimate weapon. The Tank. It consists of four wagon wheels strapped to a large 3000 gallon stainless steel drum. There are 20 Spigots mounted around the perimeter of the barrel. With this Tank, we should be able to supply vodka for up to 40 Russian soldiers for a whole hour! I have ordered them into rapid production, and promoted the Sear gent to Major General. This works out perfectly, because the old Major General for the 234th Cavalry has met an untimely demise. He suggested that instead of Vodka, we cut gun ports in the metal tank and fill it with people and guns. He was obviously either insane or a spy for that little Frenchie runt emperor, so we had him shot.

We are working on increasing the armor plating on the Tank, as well as adding a bigger spigot bores. A private, also from C company had an idea we are looking into. He wants to mount one really big spigot on a rotating capsule at the top of the tank, which could rotate 360 degrees to serve vodka in any direction. I�m not sure how well that would work, but we�ll give it a shot. Who knows, maybe one day all tanks will have these �turret�s�

A_French_foot_soldier_01 shouts: Sacre Bleu! The Russian Army, and they are drunk! Mon Deu! Run away!!!!!!

Well, I�ll have to finish this later, duty calls.

A_Drunk_Russian_Army_Commander_01 shouts: Charge!

I love my job.


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Lone ranger

Grand Master
Posts: 1027
Registered: Oct 2000
posted January 29, 2002 10:23 PM
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quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The lack of intelligence on this board is astounding at times.
You found this funny?

Personally I find Kaolian (and this thread in particular) to be comedy killer. It is anti-funny. This is the Bob Sagat of funny.

Poor. ****

Tacosid



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quote:
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Hmmm... You must be french... -Kaolian

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taco,if you think you have the balls to start on me, go ahead, you will find i can ignore your lame insults quite well, especially your weak attempts at insulting which generally pick on someone you consider stupid or boring.... i am neither of those which you should know by now... i just happen to have a very odd sense of humor, which generally finds your brand of Taco humor very not-funny... i happen to find this post quite humorous, especially the russian commanders log. if it doesnt live up to your amazing taco standards, well, tough ****

game on!

------------------
"Of course video games don't affect your children, remember Pac-Man? If Pac-Man affected us then we'd all be running around in dark rooms, listening to repetitive music and munching pills." - a_raver_01

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Tacosid

Grand Master
Posts: 1698
Registered: Nov 2001
posted January 29, 2002 10:31 PM
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You suffer from chronic bad taste and an acute case of delusions.
Tacosid

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Lone ranger

Grand Master
Posts: 1027
Registered: Oct 2000
posted January 29, 2002 10:40 PM
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yeah, im also fat and an accute pot head.... next?
http://web.archive.org/web/20020611091129/http://profiles.yahoo.com/bradinsac
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kimberfly9

Veteran
Posts: 98
Registered: Dec 2001
posted January 30, 2002 04:41 AM
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Yay! Kaolian.
Tacosid - yes, I found it funny. I also find you funny the majority of the time.




------------------
Kimberfly
~~~~~~~~~~
Delphin - 33 Ranger
Emarr

�It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one�s doubts.� � G. B. Burgin

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Tacosid

Grand Master
Posts: 1698
Registered: Nov 2001
posted January 30, 2002 07:43 AM
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quote:
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Originally posted by kimberfly9:
Yay! Kaolian.
Tacosid - yes, I found it funny. I also find you funny the majority of the time.





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I was already convinced, even before this post that Kimberly is of the exact same ilk as Eqkrystal. I will waste no more time on that.

Tacosid


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Lonestar

Grand Master
Posts: 1396
Registered: May 2000
posted January 30, 2002 08:42 AM
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I also find the Russian commander very amusing. Keep up the good work.

------------------
Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.

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kimberfly9

Veteran
Posts: 98
Registered: Dec 2001
posted January 31, 2002 04:01 AM
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Whatever you say, Tacosid.
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Tacosid

Grand Master
Posts: 1698
Registered: Nov 2001
posted January 31, 2002 07:12 AM
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quote:
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Originally posted by kimberfly9:
Whatever you say, Tacosid.
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I prefer you say

"whatever you say, Tacosid...sir."

Thank you

Tacosid


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kimberfly9

Veteran
Posts: 98
Registered: Dec 2001
posted February 01, 2002 03:31 AM
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Whatever you say, Tacosid, sir.
I aim to please.

Now Get Thee Behind Me, Satan.

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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1302
Registered: Jun 2000
posted February 12, 2002 12:20 AM
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Napolianic era Russian Commanders log, Day Three.
Horror. Shock. Disbelief. These were the thoughts that passed through my mind as I surveyed the carnage today.

It all started when those silly french persons actually managed to capture one of our supply convoys. I immediatly sent out a batillion to investigate. When they finally tracked the French back to ther camp, they found the precious cargo of potatoes missing. After further investigation, they came upon "The Abomination".
Potatos are inserted in one end, where they are pealed and sliced into long thin strips, and then slide into a big vat of boiling oil. The resulting "fries" as the french call them, come out sickly and yellow, and make really horrible vodka.

Faced with an extreme potato shortage, we are now searching for alternative ingrediants to last us until the next resupply. So far we know that sheep, pine trees, and pointy rocks all make horrible vodka, and Chef Boris's fruit salad causes the still to explode.

With nothing better to do, the troops have taken to snipeing off the french officers. It's not that hard really, they just aim for the short ones.

I fear that if we don't get more potato's soon, we may be forced to drink water. Of course, as everyone knows that is what precipitated the bolshavik revolution in the first place. For the first time on this campaign, I have known fear.

(off in the distance, we hear a swooshing sound)
Ouch!
!@#$%^
Sonofa...
Hmmm, it's a potato, and it has a note attached...

To the Russian Army
PLEASE take the potatoes back!!!! We can't take it any more! We'll put them back where we found them. Anything! just stop shooting at us for a while!
Signed:
The French Officer Corps

Huh, well what do you know...

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Darkplague

Master
Posts: 639
Registered: Dec 2001
posted February 12, 2002 05:34 AM
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quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Tacosid:
I was already convinced, even before this post that Kimberly is of the exact same ilk as Eqkrystal. I will waste no more time on that.
Tacosid



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Just like Eqkrystall you miss spell/quote Kimberflys name too.
Although she prolly is a Kimberly, you never know...

Don't need to reply, just picking holes. Please continue ignoring me again.


------------------
[glow="green",5,300"]If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.[/glow]

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Tacosid

Grand Master
Posts: 1698
Registered: Nov 2001
posted February 12, 2002 07:13 AM
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It only took a couple of weeks for someone to catch that.
Good eyes.


Tacosid

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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1302
Registered: Jun 2000
posted February 19, 2002 11:05 PM
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Napolianic era Russian Commanders log, Day 15.
Whew, for a population that dines mostly on frog legs and mollusks, there sure are a heck of alot of these french sons of borcht running around. Another few weeks of this and I'll need a vacation.

Our tank production lines are in full swing now, and we are producing the new Boris I main battle tank. It has a 5000 gallon drum, 30 Mark II spigots (the ones with the insulation on the handles), and one of the new turrets. We are still having problems with the turret concept because while it does deliver a signifigant volume of Vodka, it does so with such force that it tends to knock anyone trying to get a drink sensless for a few days. Our hat wearing furry American friend took a hit form the turret the other day, so we had to dry him out. Unfortunatly I think we did it wrong, because he now resembles a large brown puffball with a hat and a shovel. Needless to say he was not happy.

Our lab department sent us something new. they are calling it a vodka additive. It is a colored and flavored powder of some sort, that when mixed with vodka gives it sort of a fruity flavor. This J.E.L.L.O (Juicy elective liquid liquer Optomizer)as they are calling it, has also led to the production of Solid Vodaka. Simply add 2 times the reccommended amount of J.E.L.L.O, let sit for a while, then you have a vodka flavored jiggly blob, that in addition to it's obvios intoxicating power, oddly enough also seems to cure the common cold. We have learned one valuable lesson about this Jello though, never dump an entire barrel into a full Tank, or if you do, run like crazy. They are still finding pieces of Bravo company.

We have found another use for this Jello powder. Anakov's squad snuck into the french camp and emptied several barrels of Jello into the french latrines. While I still can't get them to tell me what happened without dying of laughter, from what I can gather, the resulting blob spent the next few hours chasing the french around their own camp. I think it's one of those where you had to be there.

Our military intellegence units (a.k.a. Vlad and Dimitri, the guys that run the stills) have yet to figure out exactly why that silly emperor of theirs is interested in siberia anyways. Heck, we would give it to them, except it is the principle of the matter. The best theory anyone has come up with is that the french halfpint wants to form some sort of joining of all of europe. A European Union I guess. It'll never work though.

We had a little help from the British Navy the other day at a little place called Trafalger the other day. Seems like they sunk a good portion of the french fleet. Our navy would have helped of course, but do you have any idea how hard it is to sail an iceberg that far without it melting? I think the lab boys need to rethink that one.

Oh well. I have to go off and meet with the Irish to talk aobut a potato Lend Lease Act. We give them guns, they give us potatos. Seems fair to me.

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Kiggulak

Elder
Posts: 310
Registered: Jun 2001
posted February 21, 2002 12:31 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
edited
[This message has been edited by Kiggulak (edited February 21, 2002).]

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kappazone

Grand Master
Posts: 1144
Registered: Aug 2001
posted February 21, 2002 12:40 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Kiggulak:
testing my sig


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Use [ u r l = link ] [ / u r l] with out spaces to do links )

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Kiggulak

Elder
Posts: 310
Registered: Jun 2001
posted February 21, 2002 12:44 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by kappazone:
Use [ u r l = link ] [ / u r l] with out spaces to do links )
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah figured dat wun out ... went to the ubb faq. trying to see the results now tanks fer da pointer.


------------------
Kiggulak MohthK'Tan
Greenblood of the 35th Circle

Ashen Order member of 25 Seasons

Kyanite
Battle Cleric serving Brell with 19 tiers of enlightenment.

All meandering around on Erollsi Marr

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Kiggulak

Elder
Posts: 310
Registered: Jun 2001
posted February 21, 2002 12:48 PM
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Drat **** solaris version of netscape is **** wid me. Mebbe me needs ta do dis at home
------------------
Kiggulak MohthK'Tan
Greenblood of the 35th Circle

Knomnamuh Niavniris
Ashen Order member of 25 Seasons

Kyanite
Battle Cleric serving Brell with 19 tiers of enlightenment.

All meandering around on Erollsi Marr

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Darkplague

Master
Posts: 639
Registered: Dec 2001
posted February 26, 2002 05:02 AM
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quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Tacosid:
It only took a couple of weeks for someone to catch that.
Good eyes.


Tacosid


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And it only took me a couple of weeks to see that... I claim short attention span...


------------------
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

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Invisible

Master
Posts: 907
Registered: Dec 2001
posted February 26, 2002 09:08 AM
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We must keep the post alive and, **** I got to go to class now. Dang college.
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Invisible

Master
Posts: 907
Registered: Dec 2001
posted February 26, 2002 10:49 PM
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Just doing some farming
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Darkplague

Master
Posts: 639
Registered: Dec 2001
posted February 27, 2002 06:27 AM
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quote:
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Originally posted by Invisible:
We must keep the post alive and, **** I got to go to class now. Dang college.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You have time to waste at Uni to star pharm? **** kids. Back in my day (This afternoon) I had 5 hours of straight lectures. Staying awake during that is PURE skill.

Given I spent a good amount of time looking for a suitable female companion. (Isn't it amazing how you can make anything sound creepy?)


------------------
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

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Invisible

Master
Posts: 907
Registered: Dec 2001
posted February 27, 2002 07:26 PM
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I have over one hundred and fifty posts. Yeah for me. I know there are loser people with like 3600 but I got to work my way up.
(j/k to the person with 3600 posts )

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kappazone

Grand Master
Posts: 1144
Registered: Aug 2001
posted February 28, 2002 10:59 AM
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quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Invisible:
I have over one hundred and fifty posts. Yeah for me. I know there are loser people with like 3600 but I got to work my way up.
(j/k to the person with 3600 posts )


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Corndog for joo

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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1302
Registered: Jun 2000
posted March 05, 2002 07:29 PM
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This post is almost falling off the front page, and I don't have time to write anything because I am late for class.
so instead: Kaolian's insta-world dominion kit (just add water)
Dominate the world!
http://web.archive.org/web/20020611091129/http://www.darksites.com/evilplan.php
Hide your world domination plan from your enimies!
http://web.archive.org/web/20020611091129/http://zapatopi.net/afdb.html
Use this page to torture the aforementioned enimies
http://web.archive.org/web/20020611091129/http://www.hamsterdance.com/
What to say when those !@#$% do-gooders win anyways
http://web.archive.org/web/20020611091129/http://www.funnypop.com/excuse/generator.html
Use this one to write a paper about the failure of your "take over the world" attempt.
http://web.archive.org/web/20020611091129/http://galahad.informatik.tu-chemnitz.de/kag/cgitest/paper.html
Use this one to issue management edicts once you have your next take over the world job.
http://web.archive.org/web/20020611091129/http://insanityideas.com/virtual/


There... that should keep you busy for a while. Let me know how the evil plan goes.


IP: Logged

Invisible

Master
Posts: 907
Registered: Dec 2001
posted March 05, 2002 08:32 PM
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I'm surprised with all this freezing to death no one mentioned anything about articles of manhood being reduced in size.
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Praetorian

Grand Master
Posts: 2994
Registered: Mar 2000
posted March 05, 2002 09:02 PM
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I hate to be the one to say it, but those sites were pretty retarded.
Praetorian

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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1302
Registered: Jun 2000
posted March 05, 2002 09:21 PM
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Well like I said, I was pressed for time. They can't all be winners.
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katielynn

Veteran
Posts: 169
Registered: Mar 2002
posted March 08, 2002 01:36 AM
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frozen naked russian soldiers ?? oohhh the plot thickens......
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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1302
Registered: Jun 2000
posted March 08, 2002 03:40 AM
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Read the whole thread. The russian thing will make more sense then.
EDIT: said french, meant russian

[This message has been edited by Kaolian (edited March 08, 2002).]

IP: Logged

Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1302
Registered: Jun 2000
posted March 12, 2002 08:38 PM
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A bear in blue denim trousers and a battered fedora stands in the midst of a clearing. Around him, men in blue uniforms with rifles raised and bayonets affixed. The bear looks up from the ashes of the abandoned campfire he is carefully burying to survey the new arrivals, then goes back to his work. One of the soldiers shouts something in French, and motions for the bear to throw down the shovel in it's hands.
The Bear presses the last it of soil back into the hole, and stands up. He looks around, then intones in a deep gravely voice:
"Only YOU can prevent forest fires!!! Now come get some you French pyro sissies!!!"
and with a mighty growl, he swings his shovel in a wide arc, and wades into the melee.

The French commander, a bit shaken, yells exactly the wrong thing:
"Fire!!!!"
Suddenly, the fight, which up until this point has been merely a brawl, escalates into a frenzy. French soldiers go flying in all directions. Those that attempt to fire the commanders orders end up having their rifles tied into little bow ties round their necks. No one is spared. Those that try to run are hit with the shovel, stirred and buried as they stand. The rest are simply vaporized by the heavy shovel blows. The scene resembles something out of a B ninja movie in fast forward.

seconds later, it's all over. The Bear lifts a tired hand to brush the remnants of the battle from the brim of his hat, prominently labeled "Smokey".

So remember. Prevent forest fires... Or Else...


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katielynn

Veteran
Posts: 169
Registered: Mar 2002
posted March 15, 2002 12:23 AM
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What???? No more frozen naked soldiers?

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kimberfly9

Veteran
Posts: 98
Registered: Dec 2001
posted March 15, 2002 02:30 AM
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Kaolian,
Just for you:

http://web.archive.org/web/20020611091129/http://www.androsyn.com/fire.html

------------------
Kimberfly
~~~~~~~~~~
Delphin, ranger
Emarr

�It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one�s doubts.� � G. B. Burgin

edit: UBB code didn't work

[This message has been edited by kimberfly9 (edited March 15, 2002).]



Page 4 lost for all time


RobPickles

Master
Posts: 831
Registered: Jun 2001
posted April 07, 2002 06:36 PM
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AAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!
IT'S ALIVVVVVE!!!!

Rob

Edited bracket- doh!

[This message has been edited by RobPickles (edited April 07, 2002).]

IP: Logged

Invisible

Master
Posts: 954
Registered: Dec 2001
posted April 08, 2002 12:25 PM
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Poor thread. It will never rest in peace...
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RobPickles

Master
Posts: 831
Registered: Jun 2001
posted April 08, 2002 11:14 PM
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NEVER!!!! MUHUHAAAAHAAAA!!!
Rob

IP: Logged

Invisible

Master
Posts: 954
Registered: Dec 2001
posted April 08, 2002 11:15 PM
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Whatever. More posts for me to do. Plus that lovely SFA thread.
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RobPickles

Master
Posts: 831
Registered: Jun 2001
posted April 10, 2002 05:11 AM
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quote:
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Originally posted by Invisible:
Whatever. More posts for me to do. Plus that lovely SFA thread.
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Of course! You wouldn't be 'Master Invisible' without them!

Rob

------------------
Shollo Svengali

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Tacosid

Grand Master
Posts: 1800
Registered: Nov 2001
posted April 10, 2002 07:48 AM
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Kaolian,
This thread, like many others unfortunately has been completely taken over by the New Age Morons.

Tacosid

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Darkplague

Master
Posts: 702
Registered: Dec 2001
posted April 10, 2002 09:14 AM
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quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Tacosid:
Kaolian,
This thread, like many others unfortunately has been completely taken over by the New Age Morons.

Tacosid


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Yep, and I bet you would, at this point in time, love to read another enticing tale from the artic. (Well prefer it to this anyway.)


------------------
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

IP: Logged

Invisible

Master
Posts: 954
Registered: Dec 2001
posted April 10, 2002 09:42 AM
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quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Tacosid:
Kaolian,
This thread, like many others unfortunately has been completely taken over by the New Age Morons.

Tacosid


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Taco is just mad him and his Old Age Morons aren't in the spot light anymore.

IP: Logged

Delgard

Elder
Posts: 443
Registered: Sep 2001
posted April 10, 2002 11:11 AM
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quote:
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Originally posted by Invisible:
Taco is just mad him and his Old Age Morons aren't in the spot light anymore.
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True!

Its also just his attempt to conceal his farm.


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Tacosid

Grand Master
Posts: 1800
Registered: Nov 2001
posted April 10, 2002 11:52 AM
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The old age morons were
Eqkrystal
Kiky
Gabriol
Sir Avel
Kaolian
Karisstarfire

out of these, Gabriol and Sir avel hardly post anymore, Kiky and Kaolian have graduated at least unto Semi-moron status, Karis left the boards mad... That leaves only Krystal as a full fledge member of the OAM still posting as a moron.

Of course that comes natural to her.

Ok Delgard...I will ask again. Define Star farming.

Tacosid

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Invisible

Master
Posts: 954
Registered: Dec 2001
posted April 10, 2002 12:18 PM
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I think you left of your name by mistake Taco. But thats okay, it goes with out saying.
Proudly leading the "N.A.M" movement

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Tacosid

Grand Master
Posts: 1800
Registered: Nov 2001
posted April 10, 2002 03:37 PM
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quote:
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Originally posted by Invisible:

Proudly leading the "N.A.M" movement



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It takes a big man to freely admit to being the leader of the New age morons.

Tacosid


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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1347
Registered: Jun 2000
posted April 10, 2002 04:15 PM
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Thread Re-Hijack in progress...
Day 38
Well this is it, the start of the tour. This morning Yuri and I finished packing supplies into the little wagon we will be using for our journey. After a brief breakfast at the motherland diner, we set out.

Our first stop was Vladavostok. It is a quaint little town, but the people are nice enough. I purchsed a pair of flipper warmers for mom. Apperently they also double as pot holders.

Next we took a tour of the historical sites of the area. Lots of history, lots of very messy battles. I mean really, after they were done they just left the vodka bottles lying everywhere. It's disgraceful. Yuri and I spent several hourspicking up bottles and turning them in for money. We atually made enough to fund the whole trip several times over.

A while later, I noticed that Yuri was beginnning to act strange. Every once in a while, he would get out of the wagon, look around at the tracks on the ground, and then shout out "French General Le Bloufer is up". I asked him what he was doing, and he told me that he was "tracking" the french army for the Russians. I tried to get him to tell me more about this tracking thing, but he told me that you can only get that skill if you pick the right character at the selection screen. I have no idea what that means however, and I am beginning to suspect he is a tad bit insane. Oh well

Day 39
We stopped for the night at a nearby russian hermit's house. The Hermit was apperently an expert on the making of ceramics and pottery. He was also quite in need of a haircut. At any rate, he let us in and offered to let us stay the night. It was a nice cozy cottage, and both Yuri and I were enjoying ourselves, at least until the hermit got drunk. Apperently this hermit is some sort of practicioner of animal magic. At first he was content to cast a spell apperently called "Panic animal" which caused me to run about the room, screeming "the squirrels are after me!!!!" That was bad enough, but then he began with the Animal mind control spells. Do you have any concept of how embarrising it is to be made to dance a russian polka, while singing "Camp town ladies" at the top of your voice? To his credit, Yuri did try to get him to stop, but I think the old codger did something to Yuri after that, because he spent the next several hours staring at an abstract picture trying to find a sailboat.

A while later, the old **** turned into a weepy drunk, begging forgiveness, talking about how he was the worst magician ever, and had been tossed out of his school for gross incompetance. It was all quite annoying to tell you the truith, and when he finally passed out, I tied his hair to the base of the table. As we were leaving the next morning, we heared a blood curdling scream. I guess the tied down hair, coupled with the giant fuzzy spider I left under his nose, had the desired effect after all. At any rate, it will be a cold day in **** before I trust a Hairry potter again.

On to Moscow.

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Invisible

Master
Posts: 954
Registered: Dec 2001
posted April 10, 2002 09:24 PM
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quote:
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Originally posted by Tacosid:
It takes a big man to freely admit to being the leader of the New age morons.

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I would almost maybe take that as a complament but I am sure you didn't mean it that way.


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Lowwatt

Master
Posts: 720
Registered: Jul 2000
posted April 10, 2002 09:39 PM
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quote:
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At any rate, it will be a cold day in **** before I trust a Hairry potter again.
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/em snickers softly
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Shuyo

Veteran
Posts: 172
Registered: Aug 2001
posted April 10, 2002 09:42 PM
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.... I hate that name more than anything on earth. I have been compared to harry potter so many times when it comes to looks if I ever ran into a real one I'd kill it in an angry rage.
Harry potter says: That was **** Brilliant!
Shuyo ENRAGES
Harry potter has been slain by Shuyo!

------------------
"Get out of my way before I beat you over the head with a metal rod" -Shuyo

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Invisible

Master
Posts: 954
Registered: Dec 2001
posted April 10, 2002 09:46 PM
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Your faction with Harry Potter could not possibly get any worse.
But like the Sabertooth of Blackborrow, the Kromdack, or the Burynai legions, it doesn't matter.

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dazzo

Veteran
Posts: 189
Registered: Mar 2002
posted April 11, 2002 03:00 PM
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Is this new age of morons anything like scientology? If so, when do I get to shell out my money?

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GitSlayer

Master
Posts: 670
Registered: Dec 2001
posted April 11, 2002 04:20 PM
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quote:
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Originally posted by dazzo:
Is this new age of morons anything like scientology? If so, when do I get to shell out my money?
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You could send it to me, I promise not to spend it on anything redeeming. Sadly though I don't trust you louts enough to post my address.


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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1347
Registered: Jun 2000
posted April 15, 2002 02:35 PM
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Day 41:
Today, we observed the french milatary on patrol as we neared moscow. I must say the french troops looked decidedly odd in thier white frilly snow bunny suits, but to each their own I guess. About 2 hours from moscow, we were stopped by a french patrol. As neither Yuri or myself speaks french, I thought there would be trouble, but as soon as they saw us, all the troops ran off screaming "Le emperor to le Zone!!!" Shortly therafter they came back and gave us a military secort into moscow. I guess they must have been impressed by Yuri's eyepatch. The escort was nice, but the random singing of showtunes really got annoying after a while.
The french soldiers seemed determined to impress Yuri, and organized an impromptue syncronized swiming event. Unfortunatly for them, the russian winter is not kind, and they soon became syncronized icebergs. Oh well, maybe they will thaw out next spring. We continued on to moscow without incedent.

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Totem

Master
Posts: 896
Registered: Feb 2001
posted April 15, 2002 02:44 PM
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As a totally non-sequeitorial comment, in Minnesota the originator of this thread, Further, would be called "Fruther". I don't know why, it just is that way.
:/

On the other hand, in downtown Oakland he'd be called "Bitch Slap" according to Icy Hot Stunta name generator...

...which, to my ears, sounds a whole lot more like him...

Totem da Stinger

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Trystan2k

Elder
Posts: 260
Registered: Nov 2000
posted April 15, 2002 07:07 PM
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quote:
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Is this new age of morons anything like scientology? If so, when do I get to shell out my money?
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You know that isn't a bad idea, we should make the N.A.M. into a pure-profit organization. Of course we have the leaders (those listed by taco himself) the Decans, if you will. Then any new comers....entry fee... $10,000 US, for starters?

What do you guys think?


-Trystan2k

[This message has been edited by Trystan2k (edited April 15, 2002).]

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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1347
Registered: Jun 2000
posted April 19, 2002 12:26 AM
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Ummmm, this was aobut to fall off the front apge, so I would give it a little nudge until I can finish the next installment.
oh, and for a bit of content:
Death to Jar Jar Binks!!!!! May he freeze in the russian winter until his ear hand thingies fall off.

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Invisible

Master
Posts: 954
Registered: Dec 2001
posted April 19, 2002 08:46 AM
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I agree with the statement above.
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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1347
Registered: Jun 2000
posted April 25, 2002 06:45 PM
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Day 42.
Attacked by feral chickens today. Many wounded, not sure if we will make it through the night. **** you El Poiro diablo!!!!
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RobPickles

Master
Posts: 831
Registered: Jun 2001
posted April 25, 2002 07:21 PM
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Burp!
Rob

------------------
Shollo Svengali

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Invisible

Master
Posts: 954
Registered: Dec 2001
posted April 25, 2002 08:27 PM
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Keep it alive!!
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RobPickles

Master
Posts: 831
Registered: Jun 2001
posted April 25, 2002 10:41 PM
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CLEAR!!!
*******ZZZZZAAAAAAPPPPPP!!!!!*************

Rob

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Shollo Svengali

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Invisible

Master
Posts: 954
Registered: Dec 2001
posted April 26, 2002 01:06 PM
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Whoops.. I had it set on Beef..try again.
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RobPickles

Master
Posts: 831
Registered: Jun 2001
posted May 01, 2002 12:22 AM
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quote:
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Originally posted by Invisible:
Whoops.. I had it set on Beef..try again.
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I like my cow well-done but what's that smell?

Rob

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Shollo Svengali

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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1347
Registered: Jun 2000
posted May 01, 2002 12:22 AM
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Day 44
After the vicious chicken attack, I lay in a state of coma for several days. A russian patrol apperently found me, and brought me to thier camp. I have no idea of what happened to Yuri. The russians have treated me well so far. They are a strange people. I finally found out what the fasination with potato beverages is all about. Vodka. Good ****
The russians appear to have an army based on a cross between the roman legions, a group of american rednecks, and a herd of crazy drunken wombats. Their primary command structure seems to be based around an alchohol distribution system. Good way to run a war I guess. I spoke with the commanding officer. Seems like a nice enough fellow, if a bit on the pickled side. We chatted for a few hours about my homeland. he seemed really interested in the warmer climate. I told him of my encounter with the french, and the strange way they reacted to Yuri. He seemed puzzled, but not suprised about that. He is planning to take me on a tour of his command tomorrow, to which I replied that I am looking forward to.

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Invisible

Master
Posts: 954
Registered: Dec 2001
posted May 01, 2002 09:29 AM
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I sure hope Yuri is okay. Poor guy. He was cool
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Invisible

Master
Posts: 954
Registered: Dec 2001
posted May 03, 2002 09:47 AM
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Not letting it die
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Smasharoo

Grand Master
Posts: 2735
Registered: Aug 2001
posted May 03, 2002 01:09 PM
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Darkflame, $1000 american to lock this thread.
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Kaolian

Grand Master
Posts: 1347
Registered: Jun 2000
posted May 03, 2002 01:36 PM
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Don't like it, Don't read it.
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GitSlayer

Master
Posts: 670
Registered: Dec 2001
posted May 03, 2002 02:04 PM
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quote:
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Originally posted by Smasharoo:
Darkflame, $1000 american to lock this thread.
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I'll contribute to that fund. Who do I make the cheque out to?


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Tomkat

Elder
Posts: 253
Registered: Jan 2002
posted May 03, 2002 02:10 PM
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This thread is ****

-Praetorian

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Invisible

Master
Posts: 954
Registered: Dec 2001
posted May 03, 2002 07:32 PM
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You can't stop this thread. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
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katielynn

Veteran
Posts: 182
Registered: Mar 2002
posted May 04, 2002 02:29 AM
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> hahahaha!!!!! never die.

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Invisible

Master
Posts: 954
Registered: Dec 2001
posted May 04, 2002 02:18 PM
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There she is again. Back from the dead.

Page 5 and 6 are also lost forever.





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#16 Sep 04 2010 at 12:44 AM Rating: Excellent
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Magi Fired
http://everquest.allakhazam.com/forum.html?forum=28&mid=1181843711164583148&page=1&howmany=50
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#17 Sep 04 2010 at 12:45 AM Rating: Excellent
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The "time to put on my lawyer hat" thread (death threats and all!)
http://everquest.allakhazam.com/forum.html?forum=18&mid=1154900499277002254&page=6&howmany=50#msg115690323683312861
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#18 Sep 04 2010 at 12:46 AM Rating: Excellent
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Allakhazam says goodbye
http://everquest.allakhazam.com/forum.html?forum=28&mid=1254327011109603375
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#19 Sep 04 2010 at 12:47 AM Rating: Excellent
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6 years of forum prediction threads:
http://everquest.allakhazam.com/forum.html?forum=4&mid=1262308241259099937&page=1&howmany=50

(links in thread)
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#20 Sep 04 2010 at 12:48 AM Rating: Excellent
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Ask an admin day 2009 and 2008
http://everquest.allakhazam.com/forum.html?forum=28&mid=126102057673784469&page=1&howmany=50
(link to 2008 in thread)
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#21 Sep 04 2010 at 12:50 AM Rating: Excellent
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First ever non UBB game of last
http://everquest.allakhazam.com/forum.html?forum=4&mid=106818253662067&page=1&howmany=50
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#22 Aug 20 2013 at 3:35 PM Rating: Excellent
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A really long thread
http://everquest.allakhazam.com/forum.html?forum=243&mid=123797795469178296
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