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Oldie but Goodie....we can all use a little humorFollow

#1 Nov 01 2005 at 7:56 PM Rating: Excellent
The Frak wrote:
Level 62 Cleric <Quon> Looking for guild !

I know I'll make a great contribution to your guild because I've been a great member of many other guilds. If those guilds weren't so irritating I would still be helping them.

I am not in school anymore so I have a lot of time to play EQ, around 8 to 10 hours a day is pretty normal for me. So, I'll be around to group with you anytime. Even more actually, because when I take a shower or eat, I let my little sister run my toon until I get back. So if she says anything dumb, or doesn't do what she is supposed to, don't blame me for it.. She is pretty good though, she can sit/stand, she knows how to cast spells and she usually doesn't run around, so she won't get lost.

I know tons about the game and am not shy about sharing the wealth, if you know what I mean. Even though I've never been an officer in any of the guilds i've been in, I like to think I was looked up to as a mentor even by people who were higher in levels then me! If you're not playing your class right, i'll be right there to tell you what you're doing wrong so that you can improve right away. It's kinda how I give back to the peeps I hunt with. Teach a man to fish and all that stuff. I'd hope they'd do the same for me if it were possible.

I've hunted in all the best spots Norrath has to offer. Oasis, Lake of Ill Omen, Overthere, Dreadlands, Maidens, etc., I've rocked them all. I've even ventured into a few dungeons like Karnor's Castle, Velks...crazy stuff.

Lately I've been blowing up in the Planes of Power. The Hedge in PoN is the bomb. Close to a zone out and everything. It gives you an idea of how I'm rolling that I can get all the way there from the GY to hunt there though eh?

I'm looking for a situation that will reward my leet skills, time, and knowledge. You know how every guild has an uber MA? He's the guy that gets first dibs on the pimp gear that drops so the guild can get better and stuff? Well I wanna be the MC (main Cleric). I wanna be the number 1 heal slinger in the guild's Cleric stable. To be the best though, I need a committment along the same lines as the MA deal. I want first call on the nice stuff that drops when we start bringing down the big mobs. This doesn't just apply to cleric wearable gear because if it's something for a Warrior I could sell it in the bazaar and use the pp's to buy something for me.

It only makes sense that the guild twink out the MC, without the Quon the group is nothing. So why wouldn't the guild give all it's resources over to help make sure they have the most uber healer in all of Norrath? duh!

There are a few other things that I would want this guild to do to show their respect for me. Not all at once you know, but within the first few weeks. I imagine it's hard to tell everyone in a big guild what to do and whatnot, so It's cool if it takes a little while for the whole guild to get into shape. I'll put a little checklist here for easy reference.

1) Tanks should NOT get ****** off when I am trying to get them into my "Purple Club". The Purple Club is where I try to take the MA's HitPoints so low that he actually goes unconscious and then is brought right back to life. I also sometimes refer to the Purple Club as "Layed Out" because that's what happens, the tank lays down and then stands right back up. It's friggin HARD to do, I have to time the Complete Heal just right. So, WTF is up with tanks getting PO'd at me. I usually can do it about once every 11 tries or so.

2) If you have a problem with me DO NOT take it to guild chat or to the guild officers. Otherwise, I have to spend all my time trying to explain what happened and that doesn't do anyone any good. Just forget it and get back to grinding.

3) I already mentioned that I should get first call on nice drops, I just want to put it in this list for consistency and to stress the importance of the request.

4) Sometimes I have to leave a group or raid unexpectedly. Like when my mom gets on my case or some @#%$ like that. I DO NOT have the time to find a replacement for myself. Don't expect me to. Like you'd tolerate a gimp replacement anyway.

5) Enchanters, please chill on the "HEAL ME" spam when you are grouped with me. Your armor class suxxors, if there is a multi pull i have to use my DA (or Divine Aura if you didn't know) so that I don't die. I CANNOT cast heal until DA wears off so please be patient. And if I'm late...rez inc thanks.

6) If any Dots drop when hunting, I automatically get them so that if someone wants a symbol I have the component. Otherwise, if you want a symbol please open up my trade window with the correct component for the symbol that you want.

7) In addition, I'd like to ML at all times. If at the end of the session, I have more than enough to cover my weeks worth of Dot's then i'll toss out a split.

If there is a guild bank, and there should be or I rescind my application, I would like to be in charge of it. But without the baggage of the title of "Treasurer" which really understates my true stature within any guild.

9) Monks PLEASE announce when you are FD, so that I don't waste my time trying to rez you. That is sooo frickin annoying. I mean really, how hard is it to type "I am FD, do not rez".

10) Rangers, don't even get me started. They should be like my sister...seen and not heard. Seriously, I'd rather spend the mana to rez you then to heal you. You are to melle what a Druid is to healers. No offense though, I'll need you around for tracking and foraging and stuff. When you die, just automatically consent the MA and we'll drag you to our camp spot. It's just easier that way.

11) Speaking of rez, please don't send personal tells to me for a rez. There's just no way that me wasting my time is worth saving a little bit of your time. If a guildie needs a rez, please just put it in guild chat and someone will get to you. Just because im in bazaar doesn't mean I'm not busy. And just ask my last two guilds if you don't believe this, but if you call me out in chat then it's on.

12) No, you have not grouped with me before. I paid that $50 to move to this server last month, so it's very unlikely that you grouped with me in so and so Zone unless you played on Solusek Ro. This is also the reason that my equip is not that sweet yet, and the guild should help me out with some twinkage.

13) If you need a buff from me, please say my name first in the request so that I notice it. Also please write out the name of the spell instead of just the acronymn. If I'm taking the time to open my spell book, mem the spell, find you with the mouse, and cast the buff, and then un-mem the spell, the least you could do is type out the whole name so that it will help me find it faster.

14) And if you're not sure whether your gimpy HP buff will overwrite mine after i've already dropped a bunch of Dots and half a bar of my mana to cast, then freaking ask! Even better, don't cast until you know your class AND mine. Druids and Shammys i'm looking in your direction here.

15) Speaking of Druids and Shammys. I don't call my heals. I shouldn't have to cause no one else should be trying to be the Cleric but the Quon. If you think i'm interrupting my CH cause some druid is busting off gimp 3k CH's? No way...i'll still drop the big heal bomb. And then we're both out of mana.

16) I think since I'm the one keeping the puller alive when they bring back a baddy that they should show respect to me with their pull Hot Key. Example, I pull this <Target> for our great Lord <Quon>", or "<Target> has insulted the great one <Quon>, lets KEEL it !!" And it would be cool if you could use it even if i'm not there. You know, just to spread the gospel and such. Helps with recruitment i bet.

17) Pally's please use your LoH everytime that it pops, it's called "saving the Quon's mana", remember it, do it, and respect it.

1 I'm still missing a lot of spells from level 58 to 62. The guild should really help me get as many as possible. Think about it, all of my spells help YOU, not me. If you want me to help you with the improved spells then YOU should be the one getting them for me. And I may not even use most of them...but i want them just the same.

19) I have a HOT key with my email addy on it. If the @#%$ hits the fan and I have to camp out to save my ***, I ALWAYS hit that hot key. When it's safe to come back, I expect someone in the group to let me know via email. If you don't then everyone in the group immediately becomes a new entry in my personal @#%$ list. I keep that @#%$ on excel and alphabetized, so don't even think you are getting in with a group with me again if your name is on that list. Why the **** do you think I moved servers? I was finding it near impossible to get a group without running into someone on my SL. If you think this is harsh, just think about me on the other side waiting for that email to come in so I can log back. Now that's HARSH!

We all know that most Clerics are the suck. Either they're Bots or some Druid who got pwnd when PoP came out cause he couldn't solo or find a group and PL'd himself a Cleric. MC's like me are hard to come by and that's the reason for the list. Believe me there are other guilds that have expressed interest and i really owe it to <Quon> to be find the best situation in which to drop my skills.

I know most of the guilds I'm working with have an extensive application process and I respect the **** out of that. It's a good thing cause it keeps the assclowns out. But we all know that there's a secret process for instant approvals that can be used for the right situation and i'm that situation. In the 3 weeks your guild ***** around "getting to know me", I'll already be rocking the high-end content with another guild. So work fast.

My main is a 62 cleric named "Quon". Cause that's what i want..."The Quon". I want the respect, I want the platinum, I want the excitement, and I want the Wood Elf Honies all on my tip. Yeah..."The Quon". Represent.

PS...Not necessary, but it would be sweet if the guild would float me some phat platz for a little loan, because I had to empty my bank account to pay that group to get through the PoJ trials.
#2 Nov 01 2005 at 7:58 PM Rating: Good
I think this line is one of my favorites

9) Monks PLEASE announce when you are FD, so that I don't waste my time trying to rez you. That is sooo frickin annoying. I mean really, how hard is it to type "I am FD, do not rez".
#3 Nov 01 2005 at 8:37 PM Rating: Decent
man this was a good idea bringing this back.
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#4 Nov 01 2005 at 9:50 PM Rating: Excellent
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Quote:
and I want the Wood Elf Honies all on my tip.

Smiley: laugh

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#5 Nov 02 2005 at 10:16 AM Rating: Decent
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Hehe my wife plays a cleric, she's gonna laugh her rear off reading this when she gets home from work!
#6 Nov 02 2005 at 11:32 AM Rating: Decent
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My monk would use that cleric as a personal chew toy hehe.

or maybe a super train with the whole zone.

THe more i read this i makes me want to do something drastic

Edited, Wed Nov 2 11:56:56 2005 by galthran

Edited, Wed Nov 2 12:23:07 2005 by galthran
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#7 Nov 02 2005 at 10:17 PM Rating: Good
This guy actually started his own forum at one point. I wonder if it's still active.
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#8 Nov 02 2005 at 10:26 PM Rating: Decent
Haha, hadn't seen that before.

For another example of complete arrogance in humor, visit Acts of Gord. Seems Quon was based off him a bit!

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#9 Nov 03 2005 at 12:15 AM Rating: Decent
LMAO!

Funniest thing I've read in a long time.
#10 Nov 03 2005 at 3:32 PM Rating: Decent
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Is this a actually serious post? Dont remember ever seeing it. But wow what a cleric, guess I woulda had to tell him what dots I was casting and when they did xxx amount of dmg along with my slow cast and % eh
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#11 Nov 03 2005 at 3:46 PM Rating: Good
It's only real if you believe.
#12 Nov 03 2005 at 11:21 PM Rating: Default
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Admin Edit: This does not belong on a post linked from the main site.

Edited, Fri Nov 4 07:05:15 2005 by Railus
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#13 Nov 04 2005 at 12:45 AM Rating: Decent
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The Quon was around when I started playing. Read it as EQ satire. I think his forum closed awhile ago.

And some people need to lighten up. This is obviously meant as humor
#14 Nov 04 2005 at 12:50 AM Rating: Decent
11 posts
All I can say about this is... if this guy was REALLY serious about what he wrote..I HOPE he killed himself and ended his horrible ignorant, conceded life. And if it was just a joke...then GREAT job for making me laugh and want to beat someones face in at the same time!
#15 Nov 04 2005 at 1:00 AM Rating: Default
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after careful consideration I rescinded any statments due to unwanted trolls, "why be a hateA"


Edited, Fri Nov 4 01:21:09 2005 by Fjalarr

Edited, Fri Nov 4 01:58:13 2005 by Fjalarr
#16 Nov 04 2005 at 1:38 AM Rating: Excellent
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Whipah wrote:
All I can say about this is... if this guy was REALLY serious about what he wrote..I HOPE he killed himself and ended his horrible ignorant, conceded life. And if it was just a joke...then GREAT job for making me laugh and want to beat someones face in at the same time!

Is it really that hard to recognize satire in the written form? Honestly now, this is ridiculous, not to mention a bit extreme.

Have a Coke and a smile and shut the **** up.

Edited, Fri Nov 4 06:54:29 2005 by Railus
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#17 Nov 04 2005 at 4:31 AM Rating: Decent
13 posts
Lol someone has to much time on there hands.
#18 Nov 04 2005 at 7:22 AM Rating: Decent
22 posts
What a loser lol, i would let him join my guild if i had him apply just to laugh at him and see how mad he could get than i would out heal him on my drood hands down and he would whine and quit. that was good though
#19 Nov 04 2005 at 9:22 AM Rating: Decent
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/sigh I guess people need to go back to literature classes in school. This is satire. It's not serious. It's meant to be funny. What were you people doing in school when this was being taught?
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#20 Nov 04 2005 at 10:21 AM Rating: Decent
6 posts
Is it really that hard to recognize satire in the written form? Honestly now, this is ridiculous, not to mention a bit extreme.

I have actually seen like this, so it's not total satire, there is some honesty to the statement, but that was many many moons ago.
#21 Nov 04 2005 at 10:26 AM Rating: Decent
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I doubt anyone would actually last in the game truly acting like that it's just funny to say what "if".
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#22 Nov 04 2005 at 10:46 AM Rating: Decent
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No, no. It's serious. I grouped with this guy on the Sol Ro server.

He wiped us non-stop. A group of monks finally got together and trained him 24-7 til he left the server.

Not really.

The Quon website was funny as ****, though.

My favorite part is the Purple Club part.
#23 Nov 04 2005 at 10:48 AM Rating: Decent
14 posts
Xaltinye wrote:
/sigh I guess people need to go back to literature classes in school. This is satire. It's not serious. It's meant to be funny. What were you people doing in school when this was being taught?


You are assuming these people went to school:-p

I've known clerics that aren't QUITE that bad but close, I can see where he got the idea from. Being a warrior that is the member of MANY purple clubs I had to LMAO at that one, 1 out of 11 is pretty good!!

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#24 Nov 04 2005 at 10:49 AM Rating: Decent
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the guy must have mee 8 years old then. If it is real it's still funny
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#25 Nov 04 2005 at 10:51 AM Rating: Good
Quote:
Is this a actually serious post?


Ya the Quon showed up on Caster's realm a while back. He actually tried to play himself off as serious for awhile and made a few of these types of posts. Got quite a few people into a tizzy
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#26 Nov 04 2005 at 10:52 AM Rating: Decent
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Quote:
19) I have a HOT key with my email addy on it. If the @#%$ hits the fan and I have to camp out to save my ***, I ALWAYS hit that hot key. When it's safe to come back, I expect someone in the group to let me know via email. If you don't then everyone in the group immediately becomes a new entry in my personal @#%$ list. I keep that @#%$ on excel and alphabetized, so don't even think you are getting in with a group with me again if your name is on that list. Why the **** do you think I moved servers? I was finding it near impossible to get a group without running into someone on my SL. If you think this is harsh, just think about me on the other side waiting for that email to come in so I can log back. Now that's HARSH!



isn't that why we have to wait 2 mins to log back in? LOL
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